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Nov 19, 2014

Formula-Feeding Parents, You Need This in Your Life

I'd like to address the formula-feeding parents for a moment. Those who did, those who plan to, and those who are like, "Eh, I guess I'll try with the boob thing or whatever, but I'm not that hopeful..."

I was a formula mom, and proud of it. Formula is awesome. Especially those little premixed bottles they give you at the hospital, where you just unscrew the cap, and screw on the nipple. Remember those? So rad. We snagged as many as we could when we went home, and kept them in our nightstands for the late-night feedings. Because mixing and measuring is the pits sometimes. (Don't you love that phrase? "The pits"? My friend Maureen is trying to bring that back, and I'm so on board with it.)

Remember spilling that stinky powder all over your kitchen counter? Remember measuring out just the right amount of formula into a row of empty bottles, thinking it's going to make your life easier, and then your cat knocked them all over (just me)? And I was lucky enough to have a kid who didn't give a damn what temperature his formula was, but I remember at his first birthday party, one of his guests needed his bottle warmed, and I was like, IDK; I drink warm soda. Can't he just deal?

God damn, I wish someone had invented Moozi six years ago.

My friend Nick emailed me about Moozi the other day. It's a product invented by an acquaintance of his, and he asked me for help getting the word out. Neither Nick, nor I, are getting anything out of this. We both just think this thing is great. I'm sort of mad at the inventor, Miriam, to be honest. She mentions in the promo video that she came up with the idea ten years ago, and I'm all, "Could you not have gotten off your butt a little sooner, Miriam? I know you were busy working and momming and all, but my kid's almost six now, and I wasted so many minutes of my life measuring formula for him."

So what is Moozi? It's basically a Keurig for baby formula. Only it doesn't make the formula scalding hot; that would be crazy. You load it up with powder and water, and it mixes and warms one bottle at a time, with one button. Also unlike the Keurig, it won't turn on if there's no bottle. Hands up, sleepy parents, how many times have you done that in the morning? Yeah.

Check out this video, if you have time for that kind of thing:



This product is really brilliant, and I'm considering having another kid just so I can use one. Could you use one? Do you have a loved one who's planning to formula-feed who could use one? Note: you will know that your loved one is planning to use formula if they explicitly offer this information to you. Do not assume; that's dumb. And for the love of Pete, don't ask anyone about their baby-feeding plans, unless you are really close, and you've proven yourself in the past to be non-judgmental. That is such a hot button issue.

As I was saying... Moozi is an awesome invention, and I really hope to see it in stores one day soon. You can help Miriam get there by clicking here. Just please don't buy me one as a hint, Nana.

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Oct 29, 2014

Let’s Put an End to the Board Game Movie Trend Right Now

Confession: I just saw Clue for the first time a few months ago. And you know what? It was pretty funny. But that's where board game-inspired movies should have stopped. Quit while you're ahead, you know?

But noooo, they had to go and make Battleship, where all the little red pegs were replaced with Rihanna and Liam Neeson. (Man, that guy is in everything. He's like the white Samuel L. Jackson.)

And now there's Ouija. A movie about a board game that's barely a board game. It's just an excuse for that one pathological liar friend of yours to make you scared of the dark. Come on, now. What could they possibly come up with next?

Nothing, that's what. Because I've come up with ideas for every conceivable future board game movie, and published them over at NickMom. I even cast them. Now, if Hollywood wants to make another, they'll have to buy the rights from me. You're welcome, America. Go check out my posters.


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Oct 15, 2014

Two Funny Mothas

I think I've officially "made it," you guys. I'm being interviewed about how funny and interesting and pretty I am.

Okay, maybe just the first one. Maybe not even that.

Do you know Stacey from One Funny Motha? Of course you do. Well, I know her personally. We met, as so many cosmopolitan women do, in the dining car of a train, where we shared laughs over plastic cups of wine. I compared her to Carrie Heffernan from King of Queens. I meant it as very high praise, and she was quite gracious about it.

It wasn't a chance meeting; we "knew" each other via the internet, and we were both travelling to Blog U in Maryland. I hopped on the Amtrak in Boston (seven hours, people), and she joined up in New York. We discovered in real time on Facebook that we were on the same train, and made a wine date.

There is not much room for a wine date on an Amtrak dining car, FYI. Particularly when all the seats are taken, so you're forced to hug the wall, and chat over a recycling bin. I'm lucky I get to sail two days a year, so I'm pretty awesome at standing up on a moving vehicle.

Well, apparently the length of time it takes to chug a Solo cup of Pinot Grigio wasn't enough Jenn for her, so she's back for more. Click over to One Funny Motha to learn all about what makes me tick (hint: it's mostly Pinot Grigio).

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Oct 10, 2014

To the Cub Scout at My Door

I was caught off guard when you arrived at my door today. We weren’t expecting company, and we certainly weren’t expecting a pint-sized Cub Scout peddling snacks. But there you were.

You asked me if I’d like to buy some popcorn “to support scouting,” and I found myself at a loss for words (a rare occurrence). I looked at your hopeful little face, and your mom’s, and then mumbled, “Oh… No. No thank you.” You were both very gracious about being turned down.

I wish I could have explained to you why I didn’t want to buy any. It wasn’t about you. And it wasn’t about the popcorn.


Oct 6, 2014

Is It OK to Interrupt Mom's Shower? A Primer for Children

Have you missed me? I'm sorry I haven't been writing much lately, but I've been really busy with my best friend's wedding, Halloween, and fostering two cats in addition to my two cats and frog.

Yeah. Lots of stuff. But the wedding is over now, and the cats will be moving back home this weekend, so I'm ready to start entertaining you again. Let's start with something short and sweet on NickMom that I wrote in the shower while my kid was banging on the door to tell me something super important about Legos or whatever:


Don't rely on Facebook to show you all my posts! They'll only show you everything if I pay them. Spoiler alert: that's not happening. The only way to guarantee that you never miss a thing is to subscribe. Drop your address below and you'll get an email whenever I post something new. No spam. No ads. Promise.


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