Google Something Clever 2.0: Suck it, Christmas

Oct 28, 2011

Suck it, Christmas


Here is a comparative list which proves that Halloween is far superior to Christmas:

On Halloween, you get to wear a cool costume and impress your friends.
On Christmas, you wear five layers of ugly sweaters, because it's freezing.

On Halloween, you eat candy.
On Christmas, you eat room temperature turkey.

On Halloween, you get to scare strangers.
On Christmas, you have to be nice.

For Halloween, you decorate your house with gravestones and strobe lights.
For Christmas, you erect a friggin tree in your living room, which necessitates rearranging all the furniture. If it's real, it will make a huge mess of needles and sap. If it's fake, you will rip up your hands putting it together.

Jack-O-Lanterns.
Myrrh.

On Halloween, theme songs are played on an organ in a minor chord, and the title card is written in dripping-blood letters. 
On Christmas, theme songs are overlaid with jingle bells, and the title card is overlaid with falling snow.

On Halloween, you go to strangers' houses and they give you free shit.
On Christmas, you go to your relatives' houses and they give you shit.

For Halloween, you must buy four bags of candy.
For Christmas, you must buy a gift for every friend and family member, figure out if you should give your boss a gift, and navigate the annual tip conundrum.

On Halloween, the dead can walk the Earth.
On Christmas, there's that one zombie, but he's a baby or something?

If you're a last minute shopper on Halloween, you get stuck giving out Dum-Dums.
If you're a last minute shopper on Christmas, you get stuck giving out Snuggies.

Thriller.
Jingle Bell Rock. (Come to think of it, I could have made this my only argument and still won.)

Happy Halloween!