If you have too many people on your Friends list, but feel bad unfriending people, here are a few ways you can get them to drop you, instead.
- Post a passive-aggressive jab at an unnamed friend: “You
just don’t get it, do you? And you never will…”
- Comment on someone’s status with something that has nothing
to do with anything: “I passed the test!” “Hey can I have that recipe for
brownies? Gramma is out of the hospital now and doing great. TTYL!”
- Dare people to join your cause by doing something completely
ineffectual: “I’m changing my profile picture to a photo of my favorite meat to
fight world hunger. 83.7% of people don’t have the guts to do this. Do YOU??”
- Tell me about something mundane in a really exciting way:”
OMG you guyz… Honey Comb for breakfast this morning!!!”
- Share a polarizing article. Do not comment on whether you agree or
disagree. Let your liberal friends and conservative family start a flame war
with each other over it. Don’t chime in, just watch: “Donald Trump Donating $1
million to NYC Shelters to Abort Unwanted Puppies – Via Huffington Post”
- Comment on my status with unnecessarily vulgar language.
Bonus points if my grandmother or ten-year-old cousin has already commented,
and will therefore receive a notification: “Congratulations on winning that
eBay auction, you silly cunt!”
- Talk about that awesome thing you all did last night that
you didn’t invite me to, complete with inside jokes: “Hahahaha @Steve @Kelly
@John @Bobby @Beth @Amy @Kevin @Tom @Pete @Jeff @Carl, remember when the bartender did that thing!
EPIC!!! ‘I am the champion of the night!!!!’ Lulz”
- Pretend that Facebook is Twitter: “Hate rush hour traffic.
#slowgrannydrivers #toyotacamry #roadworkonthepike”
- Add a middle/maiden name to your profile that is not your
real name: “Cathy SoSexyYouKnowYouWantIt Anderson”
- Spoil anything: “OMG Fringe was so good last night! Who
would have thought Olivia was dead the whole time??? So glad I watched it live
instead of DVRing like everyone else.”
- Post a NSFW YouTube video with absolutely no warning: “Check out this cute kitten on YouTube” (kitten gets raped by a beagle in the last 10 seconds. Title of the video is “Puppy Love”)