Google Something Clever 2.0: Game Instructions by a Three-Year-Old

Jul 21, 2012

Game Instructions by a Three-Year-Old

Ants in the Pants

Pull out all the ants. Choose everyone else’s colors for them. Pay no mind to whose turn it is; try to flip all your ants into the pants. Fail. Decide that the color you chose is the problem. Take your opponents’ ants. Fail again. Whine that the game is too hard. Make the ants fight each other.

Let’s Go Fishin

Break your fishing rod as soon as you take it out of the box. Once it’s fixed, begin “fishing” while your mother is still trying to load the fish. Once the fish are loaded and begin to spin, complain that it’s too hard to catch them. Try to catch them by inserting the hook right into the fish’s mouths. When you are caught, go back to fishing again. After 30 seconds of fishing, abandon your rod and turn to hillybilly hand-fishing.

Angry Birds

Change your mind four times before you settle on which level you’d like to play. Send all your birds flying in the wrong direction while grunting like a pig. Yell “I WON!” Ask your father to find “the one with the guy.” Do not offer any more information. 20 minutes later, when he finds what you were looking for, instruct your mother to play while you watch. Grunt like a pig some more.

Memory

As soon as the cards are laid out, flip over five of them. Squirm while the rules are explained to you. Play according to the rules until you flip over an interesting card, like the one with an ice cream cone on it. Pretend that it’s real, lick it, and offer it to others. Ask for real ice cream. Abandon the game.

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Assign everyone’s hippo for them. Immediately lose two marbles. Invite the cat to play. Wait patiently while the rules of releasing one marble at a time are outlined. Release all your marbles. Release everyone else’s marbles. Demand that you trade hippos with another player halfway through the game.  Bang on your hippo’s lever until its neck jams in the “out” position. Scream.

Go Fish

Insist on shuffling the cards. Drop them on the floor and cry. Allow your mother to shuffle and deal. Group together all your “pairs” of cards with guys on them. Ask for threes every turn, although you have no threes in your hand. Yell “GO FISH!” every 20 seconds, unless someone is asking you for a card you don’t have. When that happens, say, “No.”