At the insistence of friends, my husband and I have been catching up on Breaking Bad in time for the final season, which premieres next week. AMC re-ran the entire series over the course of a couple weeks, we DVRed it, and we watch a couple episodes every night. This is easier than dealing with DVDs, but it also means that we’ve seen the same five commercials about 100 times each in the past three weeks. You try to avoid them, of course, but little snippets sneak through.
One commercial in particular was so intriguing that I just had to rewind it and watch it intentionally. I’ve embedded it below. My comments follow.
0:05 What the hell operating system is Grandma using? She’s trying to read an email and this is the error message that pops up? Does she think that computers only work if you’re constantly hammering on the keys, like some lab technician from “NCIS”?
0:15 Um, no it’s not. I hope you don’t get sued by the National Board of Ergonomic Shit for making false claims, Telebrands.
0:20 OMG you guys! Don’t give away your secret formula!
0:31 Grandma does not have a Mac. Not unless she’s a hipster chick in disguise, conning some family into thinking that she’s their Grandma, because afghans and ribbon candy are hilarious.
0:39 Show me one elderly person who can read those. I dare you.
0:42 Why would the kid have one?
0:53 Grandma does not have a laptop, either.
0:58 How much do you love this guy?! “Hey, thanks! Because my eyes suck, right?”
1:01 Are you kidding me? That kid is like eleven years old! If he doesn’t know his letters by now, you need a highly specialized team teaching them to him, not Pop-Pop. And there is no way he can’t operate a computer. My 3-year-old can operate both Windows and Mac.
1:07 What kind of urgent Jack Bauer situation has Pop-Pop gotten himself into, that he can’t stop typing even while he’s spilling things? “No time to spare, I’ve got to finish this 'Matlock' fan fiction and email it to Andy Griffith before- aw, man!”
1:14 You could. But if you’re the type that is still looking at the keyboard while you type, painstakingly punching one letter at a time, maybe it’s about time to let someone else make your big purchases for you.
1:19 I love how they make the keyboard on the left blurry. “I thought I could make out the letters on a standard keyboard, but I guess I can’t. Better call now!” That’s like running a commercial for a cable provider that pixelates every few seconds. “Look how shitty your current provider is! See?”
1:29 Not that it matters, but how exactly is that “matching”? They both plug into a USB port?
1:39 Now I see why the kid has one. What a crappy Christmas that must have been.
I apologize for the Andy Griffith remark. He was a great actor, and I’ll miss him.