Google Something Clever 2.0: Mommy's Night Out: A Guide

Oct 9, 2012

Mommy's Night Out: A Guide


Staying at home with the kids for too long can make you forget how to behave in civilized society. Before you go out to dinner with your husband, or a grownups-only party, do yourself a favor and read this refresher:

  • Yes, you must wash your hair.
  • Throwing on concealer and Chap-stick is not considered “doing your makeup.”
  • Riding shotgun? Go ahead and move that seat alllll the way back. There is no one behind you.
  • Remember hot meals? Yeah, you might want to blow on that.
  • Stop! Look down. Those are not yoga pants. Do not wipe your hands on them; use a napkin.
  • Your dining companion is free to stop eating at any time. Do not bribe them to finish their vegetables, and do not eat their scraps yourself.
  • You can order dessert if you want. (Also, you do not need to spell I-C-E- C-R-E-A-M to the waiter.)
  • If someone nearby farts, do not prompt them with “What do you say?” and do not ask them if they need to poop.
  • Yes, you may swear.
  • Do not pull out your phone and start showing off pictures of your kid unless someone specifically asks to see them.
  • Try to refrain from asking to see the mommy-juice list. It’s called wine, remember?
  • Don’t forget to close the bathroom door when you pee!