Staying at home with the kids for too long can make you forget how to behave in civilized society. Before you go out to dinner with your husband, or a grownups-only party, do yourself a favor and read this refresher:
- Yes, you must wash your hair.
- Throwing on concealer and Chap-stick is not considered “doing
- Riding shotgun? Go ahead and move that seat alllll the way
back. There is no one behind you.
- Remember hot meals? Yeah, you might want to blow on that.
- Stop! Look down. Those are not yoga pants. Do not wipe your hands on them; use a
- Your dining companion is free to stop eating at any time. Do
not bribe them to finish their vegetables, and do not eat their scraps
- You can order dessert if you want. (Also, you do not need to
spell I-C-E- C-R-E-A-M to the waiter.)
- If someone nearby farts, do not prompt them with “What do
you say?” and do not ask them if they need to poop.
- Yes, you may swear.
- Do not pull out your phone and start showing off pictures of
your kid unless someone specifically asks to see them.
- Try to refrain from asking to see the mommy-juice list. It’s
called wine, remember?
- Don’t forget to close the bathroom door when you pee!