Google Something Clever 2.0: A Tree Says a Lot About a Family

Dec 11, 2012

A Tree Says a Lot About a Family

As you may have heard, Three Monkeys and a Martini is hosting a Christmas tree contest. She's looking for the prettiest, and the ugliest trees.
"The winning photo submitter from each category will receive a prize valued at roughly $100,000,000,000 (a set of 4 handpainted Martini Glasses and free advertising on my blog for a month - a 150 x 150 size... and I'll help you design your ad if you need a little graphic help).  The handpainted martini glasses will be worth a ton of money when I go loco like Van Gogh.  Or Picasso.  Or Cezanne.  Whatevs... they will be priceless 'cause I made 'em."
The other day, Mrs. Martini personally invited me to enter the contest. I'm not sure if she was assuming that I had a pretty tree, or an ugly one... I think it's mediocre. But she insisted, and I'm kind of afraid that she'll throw a martini in my face or sic her monkeys on me (remember that poor lady whose face got all eaten and shit?), so I relented. Behold, the Clever Family's Christmas tree:

The definition of "meh"
After I took the picture, I realized that you can't really make out any of the ornaments, so I starting snapping a few close-ups. The ornaments are what make our tree special.

You see, when my husband and I first bought our condo, we decided that we would each only get one ornament per year. I shouldn't say "we." I decided, and he didn't really care, because he was raised Jewish. He went along with it, and bought his very first ornament in 2004...

He wasn't really all that "on board" at first

So each year, we added four more ornaments- one each for me, him, and our two cats. (Yes, our cats get ornaments. We are those type of people.)

I dunno, it looks like a cat toy.
Cats love bells...
... and birds.
Chevelle's first Christmas. Awww. Yes, they get gifts, too.

These last four Christmases, we've been adding five a year. My son was old enough to pick out his last two. If you look at our ornaments, they really tell you a lot about us. Look up there at exhibit "A." Those hideous fuzzy dice clearly state, "My crazy wife wants this stupid Christian thing in our living room, taking up space, even though she's not a Christian. Why the hell do I have to buy some dumb sparkly thing to hang on it? I'll show her..." And he did.

He finally came around once he realized that there are some pretty cool ornaments out there. If you want to know what he's like, these do a pretty good job of telling his story:

He is an 80's movie buff...
... from New England...
... and proud of it!
And although he doesn't like Christmas...
... he does love "A Christmas Story"...
.... like, a lot.
You probably won't be too surprised by my ornaments if you're a regular reader. I bet you know me pretty well by now.

But did you know that I ♥ Hello Kitty?
This guy is just hilarious to me. Hilarious.

This guy, too.

And you've already seen this one. It's my favorite.

The boy only has a couple, like I said. His first was a tiny version of those digital picture frames- it plays a slideshow of his baby pictures. His second Christmas, he was almost two, so he had "interests."

Two interests, to be exact. "Yo Gabba Gabba" and robots.

And now that he's a big boy who can choose his own ornaments, you can see that he's just your average almost-four-year-old boy...

Who is obsessed with movies...
... that he's not even allowed to see yet.
So there you have it. This is how we do Christmas. Do you feel like you know us better now? Don't forget to head over to Three Monkeys and a Martini and enter your tree in her contest!