Google Something Clever 2.0: Food Pyramid for Mothers

Dec 19, 2012

Food Pyramid for Mothers

When you're a parent, it's so important to take care of yourself. You have a lot of people depending on you. How much time do you spend thinking about your children's nutrition? You probably did a lot of research before deciding whether to breast- or bottle-feed. You buy organic meat and produce when you can, limit junk food... But when was the last time you gave a second thought to what's on your plate? Mothers have different needs than growing children, you know. I give you the Food Pyramid for Mothers:


At the top of the pyramid, you have Chocolate. The chocolate group is a very important component in a mother's diet. It provides smiles, short bursts of energy, and it's great for when you need to "eat your feelings." But you only need a moderate amount. A good rule of thumb is to only eat chocolate when your kids are sleeping. Follow that, and you should get just the right amount. Note: If you feel your blood sugar dropping, it is okay to sneak into the bathroom for an emergency Fun Size if needed.

The second food group on the pyramid is Cheese. Cheese is a valuable source of protein, calcium, and happiness. And there are so many varieties! Don't just limit yourself to the mozzarella your daughter peels off of her Chuck E. Cheese pizza. Other great sources of cheese include Combos, Handi Snacks, Cheetos and cheesecake. Throw some strawberry goo on top; it's got loads of vitamins.

Next on the pyramid is the Caffeine group. Some experts believe this may actually be the most important group; consult your physician or registered dietitian to determine your individual needs. Caffeine is instrumental in providing the energy your body needs to chase after younger children, and tolerate older ones. If you want to make your diet more efficient, try combining the Chocolate and Caffeine groups together in the form of dark chocolate-covered espresso beans.

The base of the pyramid, and the most crucial group in my expert opinion, is the Wine group.They say that a mother is the heart of the family. And you want that heart to be healthy, right? Wine provides a very important antioxidant... The name escapes me just now. I believe it's called relievitol? Something to that effect. Anyhow, grapes are good for you, and red wine is good for your marriage, so be sure to drink eight glasses a day, just like you've always heard.

I wish you all good health in the coming new year.