Google Something Clever 2.0: You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me, Sketchers

Dec 14, 2012

You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me, Sketchers

Sketchers, the purveyors of those ugly bedazzled sneakers that all the little girls love, has hit a new low.

No, not the $40 million settlement that they had to pay after the FTC busted them for claiming that their Shape-Ups line could make your fat ass disappear. That's old news.

And I'm also not referring to the ridiculously dangerous Bella Ballerina line for girls- the one that includes a spinning plastic disc in the sole.

Check out their newest line of sneakers:


If you weren't able to watch that, I'll summarize: this is a commercial for "Hydee HyTops," a shoe for little girls with a hidden lift in the sole. The jingle starts off, "I've got a secret! Do, do you wanna, be, be a little bit taller?"

Since Amy Poehler is no longer on "Weekend Update" with Seth Meyers, I guess I've have to do my own "REALLY!?! with Seth and Amy"...

Really, Sketchers? You figured that little girls didn't have enough people telling them that they weren't thin enough, pretty enough, or sexy enough, so you decided to tell them that they're not tall enough, either? Your height is the one thing about yourself that you absolutely cannot change (except with your product), and you chose to give little girls a complex about it?

Seriously, you're the company who podiatrists already want to burn at the stake for making children's shoes with absolutely no arch support, not to mention Shape-Ups, which cause a whole host of injuries to both children and adults. Now you're making a shoe that can deform the very skeletal structure of children's feet? You really have it in for podiatrists, huh?

And really, you're advocating for girls to "have a secret" wherein they fake their height to impress boys? What's next, padded bras for 8-year-olds?

I mean really.