One of my most popular posts was called "Written By a Cop For Our Own Safety." In it, I take down one of those ridiculous hoax emails your grandma likes to forward. I've had many requests for a sequel. Suspiciously, since I published it, I have received very few of these from my own older-lady email contacts. I would love to do a series, so if your great-aunt spends too much time on AOL, please go ahead and forward them to me at Jenn@SomethingClever2point0.com.
Prepare to be blown away by amazing information the medical community does NOT want you to read [because it's grossly irresponsible].
The surprising benefits of lemon!
Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street Baltimore , MD 1201. ["Institute of Health Sciences" appears to be an online "medical school," and is located in a different city than what's listed. Also, a street can very rarely register as a Limited Liability Company, due to the fact that it is a street.]
This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer!
Read carefully & you be the judge. [Because doctors are terrible at that.]
Lemon (Citrus) [nice of them to throw some Latin in there for us] is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy. [They figured this out by giving rats lemon juice intravenously. The rats reported that it hurt approximately 10,000 times worse than chemo, but smelled a million times more refreshing.]
Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits.
You may know them by their supervillian name, Proctor & Gamble
You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. Its taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy.
How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations? As you know, the lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. [Personally, the lime is my favorite lemon.] You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors. [Cysts & Tumors is a brand of iced tea, right? Arizona, Sobe, Cysts & Tumors?] This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. [So, it's proven as a remedy, and it may also be useful? This shit is amazing!] It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum [that word sounds good, we'll use it without looking it up. It's a noun, right? Good enough] against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms [which is why the ancient Mayans always paired lime with their tequila], it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant [the only thing worse than blood pressure which is too high, is blood pressure which is an antidepressant], combats stress and nervous disorders.
I just got it. "Spectrum" was a typo, right?
The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world [you know the one], says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that: It destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas [What happened to "all types"? Oh, I get it, there are only 12 types of cancer]... The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. [As part of an outreach program, the previous sentence was written by Caitlin Upton.] And what is even more astonishing: this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.
Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street, Baltimore, MD1201 [Also, ZIP codes are 5 digits. KTHX]