Dec 31, 2012
Dec 25, 2012
Dec 19, 2012
At the top of the pyramid, you have Chocolate. The chocolate group is a very important component in a mother's diet. It provides smiles, short bursts of energy, and it's great for when you need to "eat your feelings." But you only need a moderate amount. A good rule of thumb is to only eat chocolate when your kids are sleeping. Follow that, and you should get just the right amount. Note: If you feel your blood sugar dropping, it is okay to sneak into the bathroom for an emergency Fun Size if needed.
The second food group on the pyramid is Cheese. Cheese is a valuable source of protein, calcium, and happiness. And there are so many varieties! Don't just limit yourself to the mozzarella your daughter peels off of her Chuck E. Cheese pizza. Other great sources of cheese include Combos, Handi Snacks, Cheetos and cheesecake. Throw some strawberry goo on top; it's got loads of vitamins.
Next on the pyramid is the Caffeine group. Some experts believe this may actually be the most important group; consult your physician or registered dietitian to determine your individual needs. Caffeine is instrumental in providing the energy your body needs to chase after younger children, and tolerate older ones. If you want to make your diet more efficient, try combining the Chocolate and Caffeine groups together in the form of dark chocolate-covered espresso beans.
The base of the pyramid, and the most crucial group in my expert opinion, is the Wine group.They say that a mother is the heart of the family. And you want that heart to be healthy, right? Wine provides a very important antioxidant... The name escapes me just now. I believe it's called relievitol? Something to that effect. Anyhow, grapes are good for you, and red wine is good for your marriage, so be sure to drink eight glasses a day, just like you've always heard.
I wish you all good health in the coming new year.
Dec 18, 2012
Dec 14, 2012
Dec 13, 2012
Here comes Jenn!
She’s the bride!
Oh my god, she’s so beautiful!
There she is!
What a dress!
I can’t believe how great she looks!
She’s so rad!
She’s the bride!
And oh! he’s such a lucky man!
How she glows!
This is the most wonderful wedding ever!
[Repeat four times, fade out]
Dec 11, 2012
"The winning photo submitter from each category will receive a prize valued at roughly $100,000,000,000 (a set of 4 handpainted Martini Glasses and free advertising on my blog for a month - a 150 x 150 size... and I'll help you design your ad if you need a little graphic help). The handpainted martini glasses will be worth a ton of money when I go loco like Van Gogh. Or Picasso. Or Cezanne. Whatevs... they will be priceless 'cause I made 'em."The other day, Mrs. Martini personally invited me to enter the contest. I'm not sure if she was assuming that I had a pretty tree, or an ugly one... I think it's mediocre. But she insisted, and I'm kind of afraid that she'll throw a martini in my face or sic her monkeys on me (remember that poor lady whose face got all eaten and shit?), so I relented. Behold, the Clever Family's Christmas tree:
|The definition of "meh"|
|He wasn't really all that "on board" at first|
So each year, we added four more ornaments- one each for me, him, and our two cats. (Yes, our cats get ornaments. We are those type of people.)
|I dunno, it looks like a cat toy.|
|Cats love bells...|
|... and birds.|
|Chevelle's first Christmas. Awww. Yes, they get gifts, too.|
|He is an 80's movie buff...|
|... from New England...|
|... and proud of it!|
|And although he doesn't like Christmas...|
|... he does love "A Christmas Story"...|
|.... like, a lot.|
|But did you know that I ♥ Hello Kitty?|
|This guy is just hilarious to me. Hilarious.|
|This guy, too.|
|And you've already seen this one. It's my favorite.|
The boy only has a couple, like I said. His first was a tiny version of those digital picture frames- it plays a slideshow of his baby pictures. His second Christmas, he was almost two, so he had "interests."
|Two interests, to be exact. "Yo Gabba Gabba" and robots.|
And now that he's a big boy who can choose his own ornaments, you can see that he's just your average almost-four-year-old boy...
|Who is obsessed with movies...|
|... that he's not even allowed to see yet.|
Dec 6, 2012
Santa flying a helicopter. What statement are you going for, exactly?
Dec 5, 2012
|Clearly, if I were pinning it, I'd try harder.|
I look at pictures of cute cats on Facebook all day.
I have my own, thank you very much.
|Grumpy Cat, meet Surly Cat.|
|Look at that E! It's perfect.|
|He let me win.|
|Shut up, it teaches... Cause and effect? I don't know.|
I feed him Stouffer's frozen lasagna for dinner.
Okay, I feed him frozen dinosaur nuggets. But they're all white meat, I swear!
|And SO GOOD with honey mustard.|
|Hahaha, he forgot all about it!|
|Who am I kidding? I stockpile Cadbury Eggs year-round.|
|Hey, I need some grownup interaction! @JennSmthngClvr|
Dec 3, 2012
Is there anything that I missed? Let me know in the comments. I should warn you up front that if it's a country song, or anything by Mariah Carey, you are dead wrong.