Google Something Clever 2.0: An Experiment

Jan 2, 2013

An Experiment

How has your holiday week been going? Mine has been just splendid. In an effort to grow my own handlebar moustache, I’ve been applying Rogaine to my upper lip twice a day for the last few days, and I think I’m starting to see a little growth! Squee!!! I plan to hide it while it’s still in the patchy phase. I have like 14 scarves, so I think if I just layer them, kind of stack them up on my neck, I should be able to get them to reach my nose pretty easily. The tricky part is when they get caught up in my glasses, which are comically large and go all the way down to the apples of my cheeks.

On Thursday, I raided one of those clothing donation bins and found some vintage Reebok Pumps, which will look fantastic with some skinny jeans and rainbow suspenders. They’re a children’s size twelve, so I just took out the laces and I think it should work out okay. I just can't wear them when I'm on my unicycle... I ran out to get my accordion serviced at the local independent musical instrument repair collective on Saturday, and I happened upon an amahhhzing little shop that sells artisinal cupcakes wrapped in wallpaper remnants. They also serve Pabst Blue Ribbon in Mason jars. I submitted a job application to the person who runs the place, Cirlvyn (I say “person” because Cirlvyn is genderless). I hope I get the job!

Oh, one more thing before I sign off: I’ve started a Change.org petition to get Apple to start manufacturing gramophones. It’s really uncool that I can’t support my favorite company when I listen to my vinyl collection, and I just know that’s the direction that Steve Jobs would have taken the company, if he hadn’t died so tragically young (because he ate GMOs). Anyway, I’d really appreciate it if you would sign it. Thanks!

The preceding has been an experiment in hipster SEO, and should not be taken literally. Most of it is fiction. Okay, all of it.