Google Something Clever 2.0: Cats Don't Smell

Jan 10, 2013

Cats Don't Smell

I’m sure you know by now that I’m a cat person. I don’t mind dogs too much, but I would never want to live with one. I like little dogs- I don’t really consider them to be dogs. I have a cousin who’s a Pomeranian, and I used to be very close with a teacup poodle. Now, big dogs… I tolerate them. They’re okay. I’ll even pat them, but I always wash my hands after, because they feel greasy and smelly after I touch a dog. Here are a few comparisons that may explain my stance. Please keep in mind that I'm referring to big dogs here.
  • My cat Molly will give you backrubs on command. And sometimes not on command. The first time I discovered this was when the cable guy bent down to get something from his bag and she jumped on him.
  • Dogs like to offer free prostate exams. I’ve yet to see someone accept.

Even when she's recuperating from surgery! So selfless.

  • Once, my cat Chevelle got scared by a vibrating heating pad and bit my husband on the hand. His hand swelled up until it looked like a shiny pink catcher’s mitt, and he had to get I.V. antibiotics for two days.
  • My brother was once sitting on a couch next to a large breed dog (I’m not divulging the breed, because that’s racist) and it turned and bit a chunk of his ear off, unprovoked. He needed plastic surgery.
  • My cats like to chew on our fake Christmas tree, and plastic curling ribbon.
  • According to the good folks at Volkswagon, dogs eat car keys.
  • If you leave a glass of water unattended on the table, my cats will jam their cute little faces halfway down the glass to drink it. They have never attempted to eat people food.
  • The Bumpus’ 785 smelly hound dogs ate the Parkers’ turkey and ruined Christmas dinner.

  • If I’m sad, cold, bored or lonely, one of my cats will hop on my lap and squish my belly.
  • Dogs like to share their DNA with you. In every way.
  • Sometimes, if we go away for the weekend, our cats will poop on the rug or pee in the laundry basket to tell us that they’re mad at us.
  • If my neighbors go out for an hour, their dog sings a long, sad, country-western song about how much he misses them.
  • Litter boxes can be smelly. I admit that.
  • Dogs just smell. The furniture they sit on smells. Your car smells. And those noseprints all over the back window make me want to puke.
  • When I think of cats on the internet, you think Grumpy Cat, NyanCat, Keyboard Cat, and LOLCats.
  • When I think of dogs on the internet, this is the only one who comes to mind.

There you have it. Cats win forever and ever, amen.