- My cat Molly will give you backrubs on command. And sometimes not on command. The first time I discovered this was when the cable guy bent down to get something from his bag and she jumped on him.
- Dogs like to offer free prostate exams. I’ve yet to see someone accept.
|Even when she's recuperating from surgery! So selfless.|
- Once, my cat Chevelle got scared by a vibrating heating pad and bit my husband on the hand. His hand swelled up until it looked like a shiny pink catcher’s mitt, and he had to get I.V. antibiotics for two days.
- My brother was once sitting on a couch next to a large breed dog (I’m not divulging the breed, because that’s racist) and it turned and bit a chunk of his ear off, unprovoked. He needed plastic surgery.
- My cats like to chew on our fake Christmas tree, and plastic curling ribbon.
- According to the good folks at Volkswagon, dogs eat car keys.
- If you leave a glass of water unattended on the table, my cats will jam their cute little faces halfway down the glass to drink it. They have never attempted to eat people food.
- The Bumpus’ 785 smelly hound dogs ate the Parkers’ turkey and ruined Christmas dinner.
- If I’m sad, cold, bored or lonely, one of my cats will hop on my lap and squish my belly.
- Dogs like to share their DNA with you. In every way.
- Sometimes, if we go away for the weekend, our cats will poop on the rug or pee in the laundry basket to tell us that they’re mad at us.
- If my neighbors go out for an hour, their dog sings a long,
sad, country-western song about how much he misses them.
- Litter boxes can be smelly. I admit that.
- Dogs just smell. The furniture they sit on smells. Your car
smells. And those noseprints all over the back window make me want to puke.
- When I think of cats on the internet, you think Grumpy Cat, NyanCat, Keyboard Cat, and LOLCats.
- When I think of dogs on the internet, this is the only one who comes to mind.
There you have it. Cats win forever and ever, amen.