Google Something Clever 2.0: The "Star Wars" Experiment: Episode IV (in which we watch "Episode III")

Mar 29, 2013

The "Star Wars" Experiment: Episode IV (in which we watch "Episode III")

If you haven’t read the previous episodes, you can catch up here.

Here we are, the third-lamest movie, but also kind of the most important one, I guess? Because now we get to see how Anakin becomes Darth Vader. 

She cheers for R2 when he sets the other droid on fire in the opening sequence. “R2’s pretty bad ass! I knew he had it in him!” He’s her favorite character. Good choice.

She’s really good at picking out all the weird inconsistencies and nonsense things in the series, like General Grievous: “How can a robot have emphysema?” and the elevator being out of order:  “Don’t they have stairs?” Hmm, I never thought about that. Are there any stairs in the Star Wars universe? I don’t think I’ve seen any. Anyone out there read the books or watch “The Clone Wars”? Let me know if they have stairs.

When Amidala appears in the side-buns, she comments on her “Leia hair” and I almost correct her that Leia has Amidala hair. But wait, does she? Or is it just the style in that galaxy? Later, she asks if Amidala’s pregnant and I bite my lip.

She asks why Yoda talks like that, and I tell her to be thankful that he speaks English. Side note: it’s always bugged me that everyone in the series speaks their own language, but understands other languages. Two characters will carry on a conversation, each speaking in their native tongue, like it ain’t no thang. What’s up with that?

When we first see the Wookiees, she got all excited and called them “a whole bunch of Chewies,” which is adorable (she actually did know the term Wookiee, but she’d forgotten). It made me think of the time I called the clownfish at the aquarium “Nemos” and my son corrected me.

She did not take the padawan slaying well. We had to break out the tissues. (Okay, fine, I used one, too. But only because the one who actually comes to Anakin all scared and “What’ll we do?” who is clearly the first to die, looks to be about my son’s age. And I think he had the same color hair.) She texted me days later saying “I still can’t get over Darth Vader killing kids.”

She called the lava fight scene “not even remotely believable,” and was thoroughly disappointed in it. She did concede that “he has those things in him that start with an M,” so maybe that’s how he survived.

One observation I must add, that I don’t remember from the last time I watched it (in 2002 or whatever), was those god-awful wipes! Remember those? It’s like George Lucas just got iMovie and was super psyched to try every single one. They really brought down the quality of the movie for me. Not that I held it in super high esteem, but you know.

Stay tuned for our exciting conclusion!