So I made her a quiz. Feel free to take it yourself, if you’re unsure what type of phone you should get.
What’s your favorite game to play on your phone?A. Words With Friends
B. Candy Crush Saga
D. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
E. I like to record short videos of myself acting out charades. Then, I send the videos to my friends to guess.
Do you have EZ Pass in your car?A. Hell yeah, who wants to stop at a toll booth?
B. I don’t drive; it’s bad for the environment.
C. What in the world is that?
D. I just pay the fine when they mail me a picture of my car skipping the toll.
E. What, and let the government track my every move?
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?A. Chianti
B. Pabst Blue Ribbon
C. Gin and tonic
E. I make my own absinthe
Are you a sports fan?A. Baseball or football
B. The Olympics or the X Games
C. I watch golf
D. I play golf
E. Soccer or curling
What do you primarily use your phone for?A. Reading websites and taking pictures of my kids
B. Listening to music and taking pictures of my food
C. Calling my kids and asking them to send me pictures of my grandkids
D. Checking stocks and berating my assistant
E. Tweeting the local media about conspiracies
How do you prefer to get driving directions?A. Navigation software on my phone.
B. I take the subway everywhere.
C. I call ahead for directions, then get lost and call five more times.
D. My driver deals with that.
E. I don’t need any help; I’m a cartographer.
What’s your favorite food?A. Pizza
B. Artisinal mac & cheese
D. Foie gras
E. Bologna sandwiches
Do you have any companion animals?A. Cats or dogs
B. Iguanas or pot-bellied pigs
C. A bird
E. Llamas or Madagascar hissing cockroaches
Complete this sentence: Zooey Deschanel…A. …is funny on “The New Girl.”
B. …is my idol.
C. …seems like a nice girl.
D. …is the obnoxious poster-girl for Generation Entitled.
E. …is half of my favorite band.
What is your favorite website?A. Something Clever 2.0
D. Fox News
And now for your results!
If you answered mostly A’s, you are a Droid, just like me. Congratulations, my logical, level-headed friend.
If you answered mostly B’s, you should get an iPhone. I don’t necessarily agree with all of your life choices, but we’re cool.
If you answered mostly C’s, you are old. It’s sweet that you think you need a smart phone, but you really don’t. Just get a flip phone and a subscription to Reader’s Digest.
If you answered mostly D’s, you are a fancy-pants rich person and you should get a Blackberry. They still make those, right?
If you answered mostly E’s, you are weird as hell and you don’t fit into any of the above categories. You must be the type of person who buys a Windows Phone. Good luck with that.