Google Something Clever 2.0: My Favorite Halloween Costume

May 28, 2013

My Favorite Halloween Costume

It's almost summer, and you know what that means! It's time to start thinking about Halloween (if you're bonkers for Halloween like I am)!

If you're a regular reader, you probably know that I love Halloween, and I love zombies. So I'm sure it wouldn't surprise you to learn that I've been a zombie for Halloween quite a few times.

Halloween 2011 was a tough one. I had really time-consuming costumes to prepare for the boys- my husband was Han Solo frozen in carbonite. This meant putting together a Han Solo costume, and also cutting up a foam mattress, making a mold of my husband's torso and legs from a modified papier-mache (shop towels and plaster of Paris), cutting face and arm holes in it, and painting the whole thing gray. My son, who was two and a half at the time, was Teen Wolf. These costumes took a lot of work, and I was left uninspired for my own costume. I decided at the last minute, "Ugh, I'll just be a zombie again. At least I'm good at it." But it ended up being my favorite costume.

So, like I said, I've done zombie makeup a million times, and I've gotten pretty good at it. Pretty fast at it, too. So I packed a little makeup bag...

Which contained a pale gray stick, a bruise wheel, some setting powder, and also some fake blood and a travel-sized spray bottle of water, which are not pictured because I don't know where the hell they are right now. Sorry.

I dressed in regular clothes, and spread a little fake blood on my shirt. When I showed up at the party, people kept asking me when I was changing into my costume. I told them I didn't have one. When they asked about the blood, I'd act all nervous and defensive, and lie about it. I told everyone a different story: "I must have gotten scratched by a branch." "That's someone else's blood." "I think that's jelly."

Nothing to see here, folks...

After about half an hour, I went to the upstairs bathroom, where I'd stashed my makeup bag. I put a little pale gray all over, and a little purple under my eyes. I sprayed a bit of water around my hairline, and I spread some fake blood on a Kleenex. I spent the next half hour coughing into the Kleenex and insisting I was fine. People were trying to guess what I was. "Are you from 'Contagion'? Do you have SARS?" "No!" I'd shout. "I'm fine! I'm not infected!"

I also spilled wine on my shirt, um, for effect.
Then, back to the bathroom. Darker eyes. Paler skin. More sweat, now all over my forehead and chest. I even soaked my shirt a little. I spent the next half hour acting dazed. This was easy, because I was drinking. 

I wish I looked this good when I was actually sick.

Back to the bathroom. More makeup. I took off my hoodie and did my arms, too. More "sweat." A little blood in the corner of my mouth. I spent the next half hour stumbling around. This was weird, because some people were late to the party and hadn't seen the whole transition, so they just thought I was super drunk.

"Has anyone seen my cell phone? Can I get a ride?"

Showtime. My last trip to the bathroom, I did super heavy makeup, and blood. Then I just lurched everywhere. I didn't speak anymore. I had transitioned to full-on zombie.

"Braaaaains, but also wine and snacks, because it's a party."
After that, I began recruiting other party guests to become "infected" by me. I'd quietly invite them, then sneak them upstairs and throw zombie makeup on top of whatever costume they came in. Oh, and I added more blood around my mouth, because duh, I bit them. I think I infected about five to seven people. Even a couple of strangers. What good sports!

I call this one "Sassy Zombie." She doesn't give a fuck.

By the end of the night, I had won "Best Group Costume" and had been politely asked by more than one person to stop being so fucking creepy. It was a good night.


You're welcome to steal my idea, as long as you tell a couple people that I'm rad and they should come read my blog. Happy Halloween!