Google Something Clever 2.0: Dating for Dog Lovers

Jun 27, 2013

Dating for Dog Lovers

Welcome to the future: there is a dating site specifically for dog lovers now. At first I thought it was a little unnecessary. I understand the need for J-Date and Christian Mingle; you want to find a spouse who agrees with you on some of the major points in life.

Personally, I've always thought that there should be a special dating site for people with incurable STDs so they could get together and have a little fun without worrying about infecting each other. You know me, I care too much.

Now I'm thinking that You Must Love Dogs Dating is actually a pretty fantastic idea. After all, you can tell a lot about a person based on the type of animal they choose for a companion. For example, I have two cats, so you can tell that I love naps and hate people.

So what does your dog say about you? Here are my completely ill-informed prejudices:

Pomeranian - I will never love you as much as I love my little snooky-wooky baby puppy-face.

Golden Retriever - I'm laid-back, fun to be around, and my house smells terrible.

Pit Bull Terrier - I don't want to have children in the next 10-15 years.

Black Lab - I buy the generic version of everything.

Yellow Lab - I buy the sub-generic version of everything. Hey, irregulars are perfectly fine!

Chihuahua - I don't like the outdoors.

Rottweiler - I live in a bad part of town, and this was cheaper than an alarm system.

Mutt - I have a lot of love to give. Will you love me back? Will ya? Huh? Huh?

German Shepherd - I'm a cop, or at least I wish I were.

Beagle - My therapist told me to get a dog.

Dachshund - I get a little thrill when people stare at me.

Bulldog - Looks aren't important to me. Like, at all.

Shih Tzu - Return of the Jedi is my favorite episode of Star Wars.

Great Dane - I have no valuable items in my house...anymore.

Maltese - I wanted a cat, but I'm allergic.

Is there anyone I haven't offended yet? Comment with your dog's breed and I'll tell you what I think of you. And thanks for reading! Who's a good boy? Whosagoodboy?! You are. Yes, you are.

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.