Google Something Clever 2.0: July 2013

Jul 31, 2013

Pirates and a Shipwreck

I had an interesting day on Sunday. I thought I'd share it with you.

If you didn't know, we live on a lake. We're not fancy or anything; we just really lucked out. There's a private beach for the neighborhood directly across the street from my house. Last summer, my best friend's parents moved from their house on a lake (and they are fancy, but they're awesome) to a new home in the city. When they moved, they gave us their canoe. Finally, we have our own boat! (Thank you again, G&B, if you're reading this.)

So on Sunday, we decided to take her out for a voyage. My son scampered off to his room and came back with his pirate hat and sword, because he's awesome like that. So I put on my pirate scarf and one of my many, many striped shirts. And my husband went down to the basement and found his pirate hat in our Halloween collection.

In case you were wondering, we are totally equipped to outfit at least ten pirates of various sizes at any given time, and most of the items aren't even what we'd consider costume wear.

Pirate selfie!

Jul 30, 2013

The Hidden Dangers in Your Purse

Texas has made the headlines once again. This time, it was because women visiting the state capitol to observe the debate on a controversial new anti-abortion bill had their tampons and maxi-pads confiscated at the door.

Because tampons and maxi-pads are potential weapons.

Didn't you know? There's a sinister secondary purpose for these products that has nothing to do with feminine hygiene; they also make for dangerous projectiles.

Jul 27, 2013

Here's What You Missed This Week 7/21/13 - 7/27/13

Hello? Is anyone out there? Are you all at BlogHer?

A month ago, I had zero interest in going to BlogHer. Fly out to some weird city by myself, attend boring seminars, spend exorbitant amounts of money? No, thank you. Then, I realized that a lot of my "friends" and "coworkers" would be there. Partying. Without me. Now, I'm kind of bummed.

I'm totally going next year.

Jul 26, 2013

Who's Going to Ruin Your Vacation?

Ah, summer! Time to relax. Sun, surf, sand... Picnics and fireworks... Roller coasters and water parks...

Whether you're planning a lavish getaway this summer, or just spending a few afternoons at the park, you're bound to run into a few of the classic summer characters. You know the ones. That neighbor with the beer belly who refuses to wear a shirt for three months straight. The unattended children whose only source of joy is splashing your precious angel in the face. And so many more.

Jul 24, 2013

Drinks Are On Me!

The time has come to announce the winner of the d'marie Party in a Bag giveaway. Drumroll, please!

Jul 20, 2013

Here's What You Missed This Week 7/14/13 - 7/20/13

I had a pretty exciting week on Twitter. Remember how last week, I was all psyched that Amanda Bynes favorited my tweet? Well this week, I had three, count 'em, three brushes with celebrity!

First, David Wade followed me and invited me to DM him! Eek! What, you don't know who David Wade is? He's a news anchor from Boston. He's kind of dreamy. I have been wanting to ask him about his skin care regimen for at least a decade. Keep your mind out of the gutter, though, it wasn't like that. I tweeted him that I had a scoop for him. I don't think he's actually going to report on the story, but he still hasn't unfollowed me, so that's happy ending, right?

Later in the week, Horace from The Specials tweeted a pic of me! Fine, it was actually the lady who manages his account. But still, it's his official account, so that's something. She followed me and read my blog post about meeting them and everything. She confirmed that Marcos really is a sweetheart.

Jul 18, 2013

I Could Never Be a Buddhist

Man, do I love stuff. Material possessions are just the best, am I right?

Now, I'm not into procuring the stuff; I hate shopping. Just hate it. And I'm not into fancy stuff, either. I see no reason to spend more than $40 on a pair of shoes, and almost all of my furniture is from IKEA. But that feeling I get when I have a new... Something, anything really, just can't be beat.

You should see me when I'm expecting a package from UPS. I'll track that bitch every two hours. I sincerely wish that they'd let me access the truck's GPS, because "Out for delivery" is just not cutting it for me.

Jul 16, 2013

And You Thought Sneaking Backstage Was Impressive

Remember when I bragged about sneaking backstage at Cake? And you all thought I was so bad ass? I've done one better.

Nothing between me and the stage but a "Monkey Man"
Last Thursday was my birthday, which I'm sure you know, since I wouldn't shut up about it. And I guess The Specials knew, too, because they decided to reunite and perform at my favorite venue, the House of Blues in Boston (they're not paying me, by the way).

I recalled getting a little guff from you people when I stayed about five heads back at Rancid last month because I was worried about breaking my phone, so I decided to show off and get right up front. I made sure to get proof.

Jul 15, 2013

How to Talk to a Writer

Summer is upon us, and with it comes increased social interaction. I don't know about you, but my summers generally consist of at least two parties a week. When being introduced to someone at a party, one often asks their new acquaintance what they do for a living. It's a nice way to pretend you're interested in the other person, and it gives you a chance to zone out while they're yakking about themselves for ten minutes.

If your new friend tells you that she is a writer, don't make assumptions. I recently met a woman who assumed that "writer" was synonymous with "biographer." Why, of all the different types of writers, would she guess that? And why would I ever choose to write about somebody else, when I'm so fascinating?

Jul 13, 2013

Here's What You Missed This Week 7/7/13 - 7/13/13

Oh, man, I am exhausted. Thursday was my birthday, and we went to see The Specials at the House of Blues. I got on the friggin' tour bus! But that's its own post, so you'll have to wait a couple more days to hear the details about that...

On Friday, we went to the Brimfield Antiques Show, which is this thing where 400 antiques dealers take over an entire town, and you walk around for five hours in the hot sun while your kid whines that he wants to go home, and then you wind up buying a goat made out of scrap metal.

So yeah, I'm tired. Let's get on with it.

Jul 11, 2013

How Do You Define a Superhero?

My husband and I had a fun debate over a meal the other day. We were arguing what made a superhero. IT was a very interesting conversation, so I figured that I could type it up, and boom, there's a blog post.

Nope. I forgot most of it. We tried to recreate it, but we kept going back and forth trying to remember who said what, when. I offered to record us debating on the webcam and vlog it, but he declined.

So here's what you're left with: me debating myself, bringing up my own points and counterpoints, because I can't even keep track of who was on what side.

Jul 10, 2013

Today, I Am a Neuroscientist

So here's a shocker for you: Norine from Science of Parenthood asked me to guest post on her wildly popular and completely brilliant blog. Wait, what? Funny, I can do. Smart? Ummm... She probably doesn't know that I only have a G.E.D. and two community college classes under my belt.

My Husband Doesn't Suck

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: my husband is not an idiot.

I've been afraid to admit it for a while, but we're all friends here, so I'm going to come clean. As strange as it sounds, my husband is actually a capable, functioning adult. He can feed and clothe not only himself, but also our son. Weird, I know.

From what I gather, he's a very rare bird indeed. I've noticed that TV ads for cleaning products exclusively feature women, so I'm pretty sure my man is the only one on earth capable of wielding a vacuum or a duster. Once, I heard the washing machine running, and I didn't remember starting it. I'm beginning to suspect he did it. And he didn't even put dish soap in there. Seriously!

Sometimes I feel left out when I hear women commiserating about how their husbands always hand them the baby when its diaper needs changing, or how they left him alone with the kids just once, and came back to find the whole house covered in peanut butter and permanent marker. Last time I left my boys alone, I came home to find the two of them reading together. He even fed the child! And I'm talking real food, not candy!

My running theory is that he was part of some secret science experiment where they put the brain of a woman in the body of a man. How else would you explain the fact that he remembers birthdays and anniversaries, expresses human emotion, and even knows how to cook a turkey?

I'll admit I'm a little nervous revealing the truth. Is the government going to storm my house, E.T. style, and whisk him away for testing? Will I be ostracized by other women and kicked out of the Long-Suffering Wives Club?

I can't sit idly by any longer. This puzzle must be solved. Tell me, have you heard of other men like this, or am I alone? 

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.

Jul 9, 2013

Party Aftermath and Some Fireworks

Last Wednesday, I told you all about how my Fourth of July cookout was doomed. In case you were curious, it turned out better than expected. Sure, a lot of my predictions came true, but I did remember to serve the popsicles! I did not remember to serve the burger toppings or any of the side dishes, though. Silver lining: I haven't cooked dinner since Thursday! Hooray for leftovers!

My new outdoor decor arrived the day after the party. Annoying.

The people who offered to bring food really came through- behold, the two most beautiful desserts I have ever seen!

Jul 6, 2013

Here's What You Missed This Week 6/30/13 - 7/6/13

I apologize for not being very internetty this week. I hope you guys were okay without me. My husband took the week off of work, and we had a bit of a stay-cation. He let me sleep in almost every day! And when I say "sleep in," I mean until 11 or so, not 8. He deserves a medal, right? Anyway, we did a lot of sitting around, a lot of shopping, and on Thursday, we had a cookout. It was pretty rad, except that I forgot to serve the side dishes, and now we have ten pounds of potato salad to eat before it goes bad.

Jul 3, 2013

My Party is Going to Suck.

I'm having a Fourth of July cookout tomorrow, and you know what that means! Yup, I have 22 people who still haven't RSVPed. Awesome.

What is that about? I've sent I don't know how many reminders. I get that some people can't come. Or maybe they just don't want to. Maybe they think they're sparing my feelings by not giving me an outright "No." They are wrong. They're all driving me crazy, because I have no idea how much food to buy.

I probably bought too much. Which means that my family will be eating frozen-then-thawed turkey burgers three times a week for the remainder of the summer.