Google Something Clever 2.0: The Hidden Dangers in Your Purse

Jul 30, 2013

The Hidden Dangers in Your Purse

Texas has made the headlines once again. This time, it was because women visiting the state capitol to observe the debate on a controversial new anti-abortion bill had their tampons and maxi-pads confiscated at the door.

Because tampons and maxi-pads are potential weapons.

Didn't you know? There's a sinister secondary purpose for these products that has nothing to do with feminine hygiene; they also make for dangerous projectiles.

It got me to thinking about what other weapons they should be confiscating from those scary Texas women. Digging into my own purse, I spotted a whole host of other menacing items:

I found 14 crumpled receipts and assorted coupons. If I were to pile them up, and use a compact mirror to direct the sun's rays at the center of said pile, that could start a fire!

During the summer, I carry a sunblock stick. I also carry lip balm. I could offer a senator the sunblock, pull the old switcheroo, and boom! Sunburn. And sunburns are no joke.

I don't know about you, but I always carry dental floss. Tie a pen to the end of it, and now it's a garrote.

I'm a mom, so I always keep a supply of Goldfish crackers handy. What if I were to leave a trail of them leading from the woods, right into the capitol building? And they attracted a bear? A bear that could potentially maul someone?

Obviously the hair elastics would have to go, because once one is stretched between the arms of a pair of sunglasses, it becomes a slingshot.

My phone could be used to take unflattering pictures of the senators, which I could doodle on, Perez Hilton-style, and tweet to the whole world. That's dangerous... for their reputations.

My hand lotion could be used to create a slippery spot on the floor, and my cell phone charger could be used as a trip wire across a doorway.

My nail file could be used to file down one leg of a chair. Now, a wobbly chair isn't all that dangerous, but it's suuuuuper annoying.

It turns out we're all carrying some pretty hazardous arsenals over our shoulders every day. Perhaps, for the safety of our nation's lawmakers, we should just ban purses altogether. 

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.