Google Something Clever 2.0: Is Your Brain a Mac or a PC?

Aug 27, 2013

Is Your Brain a Mac or a PC?

Mac versus PC—the war will rage on for at least another 20 years, I suppose. The battle lines have been drawn, but I see no reason for it. We're all hard-wired to prefer one over the other.

PCs are the epitome of logic: 1+1=2, and that's that. Macs are "intuitive" and "user-friendly." They think the same way that you do. Right? Well, maybe.

Have you ever been gabbing with a girlfriend for hours, hopping from one subject to the next, and stopped the conversation to ask, "Wait, what were we talking about?" If I was that girlfriend, I could have told you.

Have you ever fallen down a rabbit hole on IMDb, lost an hour, and couldn't, for the life of you, figure out how you ended up on the page for 2 Broke Girls? Easy. It's because you were watching The Avengers, and Agent Coulson looked familiar. You looked him up, and saw that he was played by Clark Gregg, from The New Adventures of Old Christine. His character was married to Emily Rutherfurd, and where have you seen her before? Oh yeah, Will and Grace. And while we're here, let's see what Megan Mullally has been up to. Oh, that's right! She guested on Happy Endings a few times as Penny's mom. And now that you think about it, you always meant to look up that cute guy who played Penny's fiancĂ©, Pete. Oh, shit, it's Nick Zano, who also played Max's on-again, off-again boyfriend on 2 Broke Girls!

And there you go. Obviously, I am awesome at playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Sometimes, I'll spit out a random bon mot at my husband, and he'll ask me what made me think of that. I'll take him on a fantastic voyage though my brain, detailing every thought I've had in the last two hours that led up to it (usually, it was lyrics from an early ‘90s hip hop song).

Is this normal? Do other people leave breadcrumb paths in their brains like I do? I did a little research.

Pay attention; I'm about to drop some science. The average human brain has about 100 billion neurons. Think of them as files, or web pages. Each neuron forms thousands of synapses with other neurons. Think of these as links. Now, all these neurons form all these synapses with each other to create neural networks. Think of them as webs, that are, like, brain-wide . . . aha!

The connections between neurons are not static. The more signals sent between two neurons, the stronger the connection grows . . . in the average brain. I submit to you that I do not have an average brain.

My brain is like a filing cabinet. Every pathway I make is traced in permanent marker. When my nose takes in the smell of garlic, every time, without fail, it's C:/Program Files/Recipes/Chicken Cacciatore/Garlic. It never leads me to that Italian restaurant I visited in 1997, or my husband's made-from-scratch marinara. My brain just doesn't work that way.

And, so, friends, this is how I know, beyond a doubt, that I am a PC.

So what does your brain look like? Graph paper or spider webs? Nice, clean Target aisles, or more like a dusty bodega? Am I alone here?

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.