Google Something Clever 2.0: Don't leave me hanging, Tom Hanks!

Aug 6, 2013

Don't leave me hanging, Tom Hanks!

I love Tom Hanks. He's America's sweetheart! He's been my favorite actor sinceBosom Buddies. But I must say, I do take issue with so many of his movies ending in cliffhangers. Did he ever deliver that package at the end of Cast Away? Did Santa ever use his elven magic to bestow a soul upon the Polar Express conductor's dead, dead eyes? And most importantly, what ever happened to Susan from Big?

I'm going to assume you've seen Big. If you haven't, we've got problems, my friend. Susan, you'll recall, is the grown woman who briefly dates twelve-year-old Josh Baskin while he's temporarily an adult. Yeesh.

While Susan was dating Josh (and letting him touch her grown-up boobies), she didn't know he was just a kid. He certainly didn't look like a kid. But here's the thing: he did act like one. That's what made him so great at his job as Vice President of Product Development at MacMillan Toys. The body Susan was attracted to may have been a man's, but the personality was all boy.

It's the ‘80s-movie equivalent of being catfished by a kid online, using his uncle's photo. And that would make Susan an accidental sex offender.

So what happened at the end? [WARNING: 25-year-old SPOILERS ahead!] Susan learned the truth about Josh, she drove him home, and he turned back into a child. Then what? It would have been pretty easy for the police to run a trace on the phone calls Josh kept placing to his mother, and track down his apartment. Once there, they'd learn that a grown man had assumed Josh's name, and he'd been working at MacMillan Toys. The cops would then interview Josh's colleagues, who would all point them toward Susan.

Even if Susan somehow got away with it, she's bound to be left with some serious demons. She let a kid touch her boobs! She solicited sex from him! How do you reconcile that? Did she seek counseling? Was she still in love with Josh? We know that she gave him her phone number when she drove him home that last time, inviting him to call her "in ten years." Did she keep tabs on him, cruising by the schoolyard every now and then, counting the days until he was 18?

Much has been made of the pain Mrs. Baskin went thorough during her son's disappearance, and surely Josh had a troubled childhood after glimpsing adult life a bit too soon, but if you ask me, poor Susan was the most tragic victim of Big. I hope she got the help she so sorely needed.

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.