It's coming... Can you feel it? Halloween is just around the corner, and I spent this week preparing for it. My husband and son wore me down until I could protest no longer, and I ordered the boy's costume. Yes, ordered. He is going against the family's moral code and being something completely unoriginal and store-bought.
My husband and I finally agreed on our couple costume just a few days ago (that's really late for us), so I've been doing a lot of planning, shopping, and fabricating in the basement. Hot glue gun, how I missed you!
In other, pleasantly-surprised news, NickMom featured me as one of their Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week! Thanks, NickMom! It's interesting to note that "my" funny tweet was pretty much just a quote from my son, so I guess they really think he's the funny one.
Come to think of it, they once featured a tweet of mine on their prime time TV block, NickMom Night Out. And that one was also a quote from the boy (they asked, "What's the funniest thing your kid has said lately?" and I replied, "Can you tape this scarf to my head?"). So I guess the boy has a job waiting for him at NickMom in 14 years or so...
What I WroteI told you a little more about my vacation, including an ill-researched trip to Hobby Lobby (spoiler alert: they hate gays), and an ill-researched trip to the Bronx Zoo (spoiler alert: it's, like, half indoors). New York, Part Two
The very first blogger to ever give me the time of day, Julie from I like beer and babies, recently took a hiatus. And she asked me to come entertain her readers! So of course, I ran right over there and offended them by being sexist. Oops. I like beer and babies, but only boy babies.
Theme Thursday was about fall. I thought I hated fall, and I started off ranting about how it's cold and there are no flowers and whatnot. Then, I remembered Halloween... Coming to Terms With Fall
There is one more thing about fall that needs to be covered, though: stupid football. Man, do I hate football. And I hate that my husband loves it so much. Why can't he love blogs, and "Rizzoli & Isles," like I do? I did a little public service for the football widows out there and came up with this handy survival guide: So You're Stuck Watching Football
What I ReadAmy from Funny is Family reminisces about the time she found out who the Tooth Fairy really was... And it's not who you think; I guarantee.
Running Mama muses on language delays, biglingual children, and then gets all super-deep at the end.
I read this really ballsy piece by Stacy Morrison on BlogHer. She says some things about 9/11 that many people may be thinking, but few are brave enough to say out loud. Or, type. You know what I mean. Just go read it.
One of my son's favorite books is Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?, by Dr. Seuss. This makes me so happy, because it was one of my favorites as a child. I didn't even realize that "schlump" wasn't a real word until we started reading it to him about a year ago. It crept into my vocabulary as a child, and I guess I've just been assuming it was Yiddish all these years. Anyhoo, Starr from The Insomniac's Dream is having a moment like that with her son right now, too. The book part; not the fake Yiddish part.
And now for something serious. Years and years ago, I had this shitty boyfriend. All my friends hated him. Red flag number one. He wanted me to change little things about myself. Red flag number two. I was with him for about six months, I think, and one day I realized that I was completely miserable. So I got the hell out. To this day, I tell people, "If I'd stayed with him much longer, I'm sure he would have started hitting me." This week, Chrystal Rose (no relation) of The Indie Chicks published a list of nine red flags of a controlling man. This guy? Apparently he'd been waving seven of them. So thank you, Chrystal, for showing me that I was right about that asshole.
Let's get back to the funny, shall we? Shari, AKA Dusty Earth Mother, was In the Powder Room explaining why she doesn't home school. It's the same reason I won't be doing it- we're annoying as hell, and so are our children.
Tweets I Enjoyed
I just frantically searched for my car keys for 10 minutes before I realized they were in the ignition and the car was running.
— I Like Beer & Babies (@beerandbabies) September 11, 2013
Dear slow-walking-texting-lady-in-the-car-park, You trust my driving way too much. Sincerely, She Who Has No More No-Claim Bonus.
— They Call Me Mummy (@theycallmemummy) September 12, 2013
If I ever eat a deep-fried candy bar, just kick me right in the throat. RIGHT in the THROAT.
— Motherhood Madness (@MotherhoodADIM) September 12, 2013
My son impersonating a surly teen: At school drop-off, Me: "Have a great day!" Son: "Don't tell me what to do." He's IMPERSONATING, right?
— So Then Stories (@SoThenStories) September 12, 2013
September is Baby Safety Month. So the rest of the year, just leave your knives and mousetraps wherever.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) September 13, 2013
And with that, I'll be spending the rest of my weekend spray-painting props in my basement. I don't really need to crack a window, do I?