Google Something Clever 2.0: New York, Part Two

Sep 9, 2013

New York, Part Two

Day three, we went to the best diner ever, The Daily Planet in Lagrangeville. We wanted to throw a chain around the whole place and drag it home. It was decorated in a 50s/60s/70s pop culture theme, with a healthy dose of comic books thrown in. And the menu… They had turkey sausage! Do you know how hard it is to find a breakfast place that serves turkey sausage? Hard. They also had bellinis. Fun fact: day drinking is one of my favorite things about vacation.

Yes, I drank from the tiny stirring straw. It makes it last longer.

After the diner, we went to a farm where you can buy cheese, and meet the goats it came from. Um, hi, what are two of my favorite things? Goats and cheese. So we hung out with animals, sampled a bunch of artisanal cheeses, and bought a few things.

Next was the mall. Yeah, I know, there are malls everywhere. But foreign malls have stores they don’t have at home! We went to Crazy 8, H&M, and Hobby Lobby! Yayyyyy! …and then, when we got back to the house, I Googled Hobby Lobby. Damn. Now, I should have known better, when Mrs. Cousin 2 told me that Hobby Lobby is closed on Sundays, and that they’re based out of Texas, but I was kind of doing that “lalala I don’t hear you” thing, because I’ve always wanted to go to Hobby Lobby. As you can probably guess, I found out that they are super anti-gay. As in, they donate money to anti-gay groups. And now they have some of my money.  Fuck. Won’t be going back there.

Day four, we drove down to the Bronx Zoo. If you like the smell of Petco, but wish that it wasn’t air-conditioned, you will love the Bronx Zoo. I had no idea that so many of the exhibits were indoors! Barf. We spent a whole day there, and at least half of it was waiting in lines. They have a dinosaur safari, which seems cool, until you wait for over an hour in the hot sun, getting angrier and angrier at your own family, and then it turns out that the actual safari is only about fifteen minutes long. Boo. It was neat, but in the end, not worth the wait. Needless to say, we will not be visiting Disney anytime soon.

Although that was neat.

And that, too.

Also, do not take the shuttle anywhere! Even if you’re on crutches. Again, you wait and wait and wait, and all you can think while you’re waiting is, “We could have walked there three times by now.” But you don’t want to give up, because you know as soon as you step out of line, that damn shuttle will finally show up.

That's not the sky; it's a blue cement wall.
This guy was outside. And ridiculously cute.
I was also surprised by how many attractions required an extra fee. We bought all-inclusive tickets, so it was one big punch to the gut right when we walked in, but it still stung a little. The gorilla jungle exhibit was cool, but half of the animals were hiding. The butterfly exhibit… I literally only saw four butterflies. And three of them were the same. I get more variety than that in my own garden.

Captive gorillas make me sad.
Hehehe, I love when they do splits!

I know I’m making the Bronx Zoo sound terrible, but it really wasn’t. It’s just that we have an awesome zoo near home that I very much prefer, and I was annoyed that I wasted a whole day in New York doing something that wasn’t as wonderful as I thought it would be. Bottom line, if you have a good zoo at home, skip it. The only thing about it that’s really remarkable about it are the grounds and architecture, and you can enjoy that for free by doing a Google image search. Or just look at these:


Boom. The whole experience for free. You're welcome.

Stay tuned for more New Yorkishness!