Google Something Clever 2.0: Ode to the Fun Uncle

Sep 24, 2013

Ode to the Fun Uncle

Fun Uncle, I love what you do for my boy
When you come by and gift him with a brand-new toy.
But please listen closely, and hear what I say,
If it makes any sound, I will throw it away.

Fun Uncle, you've taught my son wonderful things
About Spider-Man, Batman, and Lord of the Rings.
So much pop culture knowledge he's garnered from you,
But please, no more teaching him quotes from Young Guns 2.

You're just like a playmate, but older and wiser,
I'm so glad that my son has you as his advisor.
Thanks to you, he's prepared for the hijinks of school
But seriously, Fun Uncle, the wedgies? Not cool.

He has a small phobia of climbing too high,
And with your help, he'll kick it, I know, by and by.
And I'm sure that you really were trying to help,
But I wish you hadn't put him on his closet shelf.

And, oh! How I love to watch you two at play.
The giggles you incite surely brighten my day.
You're welcome to throw him up high in the air,
Just please know he'll certainly puke in your hair.

You're so fun at parties, a real laugh a minute!
But from now on, I'm sorry, ten beers is your limit.
Fun Uncle, you're welcome anytime at our place
Provided there are no more squirt-gun shots to the face.

Fun Uncle, I hope that you've heard what I said
And you'll stop riling up sonny boy just before bed.
Don't forget that one day, you'll have your own kids, too,
And on that day, Fun Uncle, I'M COMING FOR YOU.

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.