Google Something Clever 2.0: Holy Crap, I Collect a Lot of Stuff

Oct 3, 2013

Holy Crap, I Collect a Lot of Stuff

I didn't realize how many things I collected until I started walking around my house, taking pictures of all of it. But holy damn, do I collect a lot of things.

It started with the rubber duckies. When I was seventeen, I decided that when I grew up and had my own bathroom, it would have a rubber ducky theme. So I started collecting and packing them up. By the time I had my own bathroom in my condo to move them into, I'd amassed about fifty of them. I have no idea how many I have now, but it's a lot.

Here are a few.
On more than one occasion, we've had a guest go into the bathroom and stay in there long enough to worry us... When they come out, we learn that they were trying to count the ducks. Nobody has succeeded yet.


Next came the flip flops. I only wear shoes when it's snowing, or it's required by law, so I love me some flip flops. They're only shoes by the most loose of definitions. And when Old Navy has one of those sales where you can get twelve pairs for fifty cents and some pocket lint, how can you say no?


Honestly, though, I only wear three pairs with any real frequency: the black ones (of which I have multiple back-up pairs), the brown ones, and the silver ones. The silver ones are "nice" flip flops with beading and a bit of a heel. I've worn them in three weddings, including my own. Well, actually, I only wore them at my reception. I was barefoot for the ceremony, of course. Hey, it was my special day. Nobody puts my toes in jail on my special day.

Then came the winter hats. I have one that a friend knitted me that's four feet long. It incorporates every color, yarn type, and knitting pattern imaginable, and it is amazing. Unfortunately, it's packed up in the basement right now, and I'm lazy, so you won't get to see it today. You also won't get to see the cool Russian (fake) fur hat with the hammer and sickle on it that my husband actually ordered from Russia for Christmas 2011. You will get to see my newest winter hat, because I just bought it last month, so it's not in a musty box covered in spiders.

And now you've seen me without makeup.

And the corks. Originally, I started collecting wine corks for a project. After about a year, my husband asked me if I had enough for my project yet, and I realized I'd completely forgotten what I wanted to do with them. D'oh. I didn't stop collecting, though. I have a giant vase in my living room that's almost half-full now, and this vase where they're mixed in with string lights. So, uh, yeah, that was totally my plan all along.


It's been slow going lately, because I switched to boxed wine. For the environment.


The last collection I have for you isn't a true collection yet, because it's just one item. But it's the start of a collection. My husband and I just started getting into antiques. But not, like, china cabinets and junk; cool antiques. It started with an old rotary phone that I got him for his birthday. I'm not including that, because it's not mine. But this, this is all mine:

Holy shit, I need to dust.

I got this when we went to Obscura back in August and met Mike. It's an (empty) bottle of chocolate-coated iron, arsenic and strychnine tablets. Next time you hear someone saying they don't take ibuprofen because they don't like putting chemicals in their body, think about that.

I think that's everything. Do you collect stuff, too? Tell us about it!