Google Something Clever 2.0: New York, Part Five

Oct 10, 2013

New York, Part Five

I did not want to go to Times Square. I told my husband that I was fairly sure it was “just a bunch of stores and billboards,” but somehow, the boy found out that there was a Toys R Us, so they dragged me there anyway. It was so much worse than I thought.

You know those “billboards”? There are about 500 of them. And they are all televisions. The place is shit-packed with people, and it’s noisy, and it is the worst kind of assault on all your senses. Just ugly and hot and crowded and noisy and blech. But the boy did come into Obscura for us, so I guess I owed him one. We got a couple pictures with some costumed characters. It was weird and awkward. Then we went to Toys R Us.

Something tells me that's not a licensed Hello Kitty.

This place was nuts. There were four floors. There was a ferris wheel inside the store. A real, working ferris wheel. There was a life-sized Lego Hulk. Superman hung from the ceiling. There were two candy stores, an arcade, and an ice cream shop.

Our view from the ferris wheel

That's life-sized.

The boy got his picture taken with Spider-Man and Iron Man (his two current favorites, lucky for us). We rode the ferris wheel ($3 each, damn), bought an action figure, and left.

We came outside and it was getting dark. Oops. We’d intended to leave before that happened. A man handed my husband a flier for a strip club and made a gross comment about what they offered there. While I was standing right next to him. And our four-year-old son was riding on his shoulders. You are nasty, Times Square.

We walked over to Radio City Music Hall, where “America’s Got Talent” was about to go live in a few minutes. I took a picture of the sign. Damn it, I was so close to Nick Cannon and Scary Spice, and yet, so far!

Call me, Nick!

Next, we visited Rockefeller Center. Did you know that there’s a restaurant in that pit in front of the statue? I mean, when there isn’t an ice rink there, I guess. We peeked in the windows of the now-closed Lego store. They had a Lego Rockefeller Center set up. Cute. Now, it was super dark. Time to go!

See the umbrellas? That's a restaurant. Lame.

So, how did I do with my to-do list? Well, I visited two places I wasn’t interested in (the Statue of Liberty and Times Square), but that was for the boy. I saw the Ghostbusters firehouse, the Law & Order courthouse, CBGB (or lack thereof), and Joey Ramone place. We didn’t have time for the Seinfeld diner, and I completely forgot about the blue coffee cup. And we didn’t visit the Museum of Natural History, AKA the “Night at the Museum” museum! Damn it. I’ll have to go back.

I have one more installment coming up! Stay tuned!