Google Something Clever 2.0: Brilliant Business Plan: Just Add Cats!

Nov 19, 2013

Brilliant Business Plan: Just Add Cats!

A well-traveled friend of mine, who also happens to be a cat lady (like myself), recently alerted me to a new trend: cat cafés. Yes, they are just what you think. Unless you think it's a place where cats sit at tables like people and drink tiny little espressos with their tiny little paws. Then, it's not what you think at all, but I love how your mind works.

Cat cafés are cafés for humans, but they have a bunch of cats living there, so you can sip your latte while snuggling with a kitty. They're great for people whose landlords don't allow cats, people who are traveling and missing their furry friends, and crazy people who don't want to do anything if there isn't a cat somehow involved.

They're popping up all over Paris and Tokyo. There's a woman who desperately wants to open one in Boston, but it looks unlikely that she'll see her dream through. Apparently, we have laws here in the U.S. about housing kitty litter and scones in the same establishment or something. Thanks, Obama.

Cat cafés got me thinking about what other businesses could be improved with the addition of cats.

What about a cat DMV? Everyone at the DMV is always in such a terrible mood. I've never seen anyone in a terrible mood when there's a purring lump of cuteness in their lap. And what better way to pass the time than making friends with kittens?

I'd like to see some cats at Best Buy. You can fiddle with electronics at the store all you want, but you won't truly know until you get them home how they'll be affected by your cats. Can this remote bounce its signal around the room, for when my cat is sitting directly in front of the Blu-Ray player's sensor? Can I type effectively on this laptop when there's a cat lying across the keyboard? Only one way to find out.

Since your cats are going to ruin all your furniture anyway, why not staff IKEA with a few felines? That way, we can see which couches are more susceptible to scratches, and which rug patterns best hide fur. And hairballs. And maybe pee.

Did you know that the average American workplace loses $8.7 billion in productivity every year due to employees messing around online, looking at pictures of cats? Probably not, since I just made that up. But think of how much more productive workers would be if they all had cats on their desks! No more time wasted by typing URLs and waiting for YouTube videos to buffer. Instant cat, whenever you need it.

Home Depot is full of birds. Gross, gross birds. Seriously, have you noticed? Look up next time you're in there. Bring in some cats; problem solved.

I defy you to name me one business that wouldn't benefit from cats. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Target to buy lint rollers. So many lint rollers.

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room.