My husband and I were watching TV recently, and this commercial came on:
If you're not in a position to watch videos right now, I strongly suggest that you come back later, when you can watch it. Or watch it without sound, because the sound isn't important. Oh fine, I'll just tell you what happens: some women in bikinis jump out of a car, holding their bums. The camera switches to show the backseat, where a crab is clicking his claws, um, suggestively?
My husband said, "I can't believe people aren't freaking out about that ad."
"Oh, you mean 'Sexual Assault Crab'? I know."
It's gross and offensive and gross again (yup, you get two grosses, Fiat), but I let it slide, because I have better things to do. Like finish watching whatever show was on at the time. But then, a week or two later, I saw this one:
Still not watching the videos? This ad features two bridesmaids changing their clothes in the backseat of a moving Fiat en route to a wedding. You know, because bitches be poor at time management. The two, ahem, gentlemen in the front seat repeatedly try to sneak peeks at them in the rear view mirror. They're rewarded with slightly annoyed faces from the ladies. Okay, I don't see why women have to be in a constant state of undress in Fiat's ads, but fine, maybe those guys are their boyfriends, and they're not really the creeps they're made out to be. Right?
Then, they arrive at the wedding, get out of the car, and it's revealed that there was a young boy seated between the ladies in the backseat. He's now smirking and covered in bras.
I'm sorry, what exactly are you trying to sell me here, Fiat? A car roomy enough that I could potentially forget I have a minor in the backseat? That sounds dangerous.
It was at this point that I decided that you people needed to know about how gross and offensive and gross (yup, still) Fiat's ads are. So I got on YouTube. Oh, look! There's more!
Here we have an ad suggesting that if the Italians had invaded colonial New England instead of the British, it would have gone down a lot differently. Specifically, all the women would have ripped their clothes off and cut their hair into sexy bobs right in the middle of the street.
Side note, this ad got me wondering about whether it was historically accurate to portray a colonial woman with scissors. It turns out that modern-day scissors were being mass-manufactured for about seven years before the British Invasion, so I guess it's plausible that she would have had a pair. But I'm not so sure about the bleached hair.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Fiat? Your entire marketing strategy seems to be "naked ladies"! What does that have to do with your weird little clown cars? Is this your attempt to market them to straight men? "Hey guys, I know it kinda looks like a chick car, but I swear, you pull up in one of these and all the bitches get naked!"
I had to watch one more to be sure.
Ah, how refreshing. This sophisticated lady doesn't take off anything! She's just demurely applying lipstick... After secretly making out with her daughter's teenage boyfriend, while her daughter and husband were inches away. Come on!
I'm now terrified to go within 50 feet of a Fiat, for fear that I'll be compelled to remove my clothing and/or get frisky with a minor and/or crustacean. Because apparently those little Micro Machines have the devil in them. Or something.
Tell me, would you ever buy one of these cars? Have these ads changed your opinion of the Fiat brand? Does it even matter, because they're totally not going to sell them in America anyway, because they're silly-looking, and we've already met our silly car quota with the VW Beetle? Discuss...