Google Something Clever 2.0: Which Internet Quiz Should You Take?

Feb 28, 2014

Which Internet Quiz Should You Take?

You know that thing, where you're eating a pint of ice cream straight out of the carton while watching Sex in the City, and you say, "God, I am such a Carrie," and you look around for someone to agree with you? Only there's nobody to agree with you, because you live alone, except for your cat, Ginger Rogers, who thinks you're more of a Charlotte? Don't you hate that?

Girl, you know there's an app for that! Actually, a website. Well, one website that's exclusively for that, I think, and then another that does other things, but that, too. I'm getting ahead of myself, here.

In case you're not on Facebook, or you are, but you don't have any annoying friends, let me clue you in: everyone is just bananas for these Buzzfeed and Zimbio quizzes where you answer inane questions about your favorite flower and what you had for breakfast last Tuesday, and the website then assigns you the personality of a fictional character, or something even dumber, like a bird (seriously). Which Clueless Character Are You? Which Flintstone Are You? Which Particular Slice of Cherry Pie From Twin Peaks Are You?

I admit, I've taken a couple of them. If you're curious, I am Yoda (damn right), Scary Spice (hell yeah!), and Taste. That's Taste, the fictional NYC night club frequented by Stefon from Saturday Night Live featuring DJ Baby Bok Choy. Because it's the only one without midgets, obvs.

Annnyway, my point is that there are way too many of these quizzes out there. How's a guy or gal to know which one they should take? There's a quiz for that! And I wrote it! Hooray! Don't forget to comment and let me know which answer you got.

What’s your favorite color?
A: Amethyst
B: Pink
C: Chartreuse
D: Navy blue
E: Gray, like the London sky
F: Blonde. It totally counts.
G: The color of poop, hahaha!
H: Orange
I: Anything Day-Glo
J: Steel gray, like my sword
K: Baby blue
L: I don’t even know anymore

Pick a dessert:
A: Any pie but boysenberry
B: Cotton candy
C: Key lime pie
D: Blue milkshake
E: Spotted dick
F: Cherry pie
G: Your mom hahaha!
H: Moldy pudding
I: Jello Pudding Pop
J: The blood of my enemies
K: Birthday cake
L: Whatever. Cookies, I guess.

What’s your signature scent?
A: Angel
B: Love’s Baby Soft
C: Vanilla extract
D: Nervous sweat
E: Burberry
F: Fantasy
G: Axe
H: Speed Stick
I: Electric Youth
J: Lusty pheromones
K: Shalimar
L: Ennui

How would your friends describe you?
A: Arcane
B: Dreamer
C: Quirky!!!
D: A true Jedi
E: Reserved
F: Fierce
G: Balls hahahaha
H: Tough
I: Rad
J: Steely
K: They don’t know me at all.
L: They’ve all unfriended me.

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
A: Analysis
B: Greet the beautiful day!
C: Ask Siri about the weather
D: Dust my action figures
E: Make a pot of Earl Grey
F: Work it
G: Smoke pot
H: Shower (with flip flops)
I: Pop in a cassette, pop my collar, and eat a Pop-Tart
J: Swear vengeance
K: Sigh
L: Check Facebook notifications

Your results:

Mostly A’s: You should take “Which Pretty Little Liars Character Are You?” You’re clearly A-obsessed.

Mostly B’s: You should take “Which Disney Princess Are You?” You’re emotionally stunted and have an unhealthy concept of gender roles and adult relationships.

Mostly C’s: You should take “Which New Girl Character Are You?” over and over, until you finally get “You are Jess.” Then, cut bangs and buy a pair of adorkable glasses.

Mostly D’s: You should take “Which Star Wars Character Are You?” Nerd.

Mostly E’s: You should take “Which Downton Abbey Character Are You?” You once heard the word “anglophile,” thought it sounded cool, Googled it, and decided to shape your life around it.

Mostly F’s: You should take “Which Britney Spears Are You?” All hail Queen Brit. She’s more Madonna than Madonna, more BeyoncĂ© than BeyoncĂ©, and was briefly more Kojak than Kojak. IT’S BRITNEY, BITCH.

Mostly G’s: You should take “Which South Park Character Are You?” You made a conscious decision to stop emotionally maturing at age fourteen.

Mostly H’s: You should take “Which Orange is the New Black Character Are You?” You’re a strong, smart woman who looks great in khaki and has an unhealthy obsession with Laura Prepon.

Mostly I’s: You should take “Which Saved By the Bell Character Are You?” You’ll fight to the death with anyone who claims Slater was cuter than Zack.

Mostly J’s: You should take “Which Game of Thrones Character Are You?” You can’t decide what you like more, dragons or soft-core porn.

Mostly K’s: You should take “Which Molly Ringwald Character Are You?” You’re the older sister of the girl who’s taking the New Girl quiz.

Mostly L’s: You should take “Which Brand of Jeans Are You?” You’ve already taken every other quiz on the internet.

This post originally appeared on In the Powder Room