Google Something Clever 2.0: I Write Things. Here's How and Why.

Jun 16, 2014

I Write Things. Here's How and Why.

And she's easy on the eyes, too!
Haaaaaave you met Alyson? (That's a "How I Met Your Mother" joke. If you don't get it, you must be living under a rock.) Alyson is the mind behind The Shitastrophy, a humor blog about motherhood and making fun of neighbors (I don't know if this was intentional, Alyson, but you totally make fun of your neighbors a lot, and I love it). She also makes fun of people she doesn't live near. You may be familiar with her lists of the Top Stupid Boys' Names of 2013, and its companion, Top Stupid Girl's Names of 2013. It's not just the dumbass names themselves; it's the way she lambastes them. Go ahead and click over there. This tab will wait patiently.

Hey, welcome back! Alyson recently invited me to participate in a blog tour where we talk about our writing, and I said yes, because I'm very accommodating, and I know everyone is super eager to get inside my creative genius mind. Right? Right. You're welcome, world.

What Am I Working On?

I am very much slacking lately, actually. I'm working on this, I'm working on a guest post for another blog for next week (stay tuned!) and I have a few NickMom things I have to write. Oh, and a book I want to submit to. And I'm trying to get more freelancing jobs. But mostly I'm working on this iced coffee. Then, I'm going to the farm to hang out with baby goats. That will get my creative juices flowing, right?

Side note, I can't believe I used that phrase. What exactly are creative juices, and from where do they flow? I don't want any juice flowing out of me. That's disgusting. It's 2014; we have the means to keep all fluids neatly tucked away now. Right. So, if you know the editor of a website or magazine who is looking for a slacker to drink iced coffee and hang out with baby goats while occasionally writing hilarious humor articles for them, let them know their search is over. I'm for hire.

What Makes Me Different Than Other Writers?

I was actually just talking to my uncle about writing yesterday, and he said that nobody else writes like me. Which makes sense, since nobody else talks like me or thinks like me. Maybe if I had a twin, she would, but I don't. And if I did, I'd make her pursue a different career path. I write exactly what I'm thinking, and if you ever meet me in person, you'll see that I talk exactly how I write. If you ever meet someone else who writes like me, she's probably a lizard person from another planet trying to fool you. Do not be fooled.

Why Do I Write?

I like to entertain people. I started blogging because a couple of friends told me I should, based my Facebook posts. Then, I remembered how much I enjoyed writing as a kid, and I realized that it might be possible to turn this into a career. I'll let you know when I get there. I think I'm making okay progress so far.

How Does My Writing Process Work?

I'm all over the place. Sometimes, I'll work really hard on something, researching, getting links and quotes, setting up a fancy format of X amount of paragraphs, and it will tank. Sometimes, I dash something off in fifteen minutes, and it's a huge hit. Here's a great example: I recently attended Blog U, and I got the chance to read to a room of about 200 people. I chose to read "Pumpkin is the New Black." I always thought it sucked, but my husband loved it, and my editor loved it, and readers loved it, so I figured it was a good choice.

Here's the thing: I actually hadn't looked at it since last October, and I had forgotten most of it. As I read it aloud and listened to people laughing, I realized it was good, after all. I need to stop over-editing myself. I was talking to a friend about it this weekend, and she noted that the more I edit something, the less it sounds like "my voice." And my voice is what's supposed to be so great about me, right? Hey, this is a revelation! Fuck it; I'm not editing anything, ever again.

Well, maybe just a little.

Who's Next?

THIS is exhausted? Come on, now.
Next week, I would like to introduce you to Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion. If you've been reading me for a while, you might remember her guest post from last summer, "The Time I Got a Spray Tan." Go visit her next week to learn how she manages to run a hilarious blog while holding down a job and raising three kids. Three. Yeah, I look pretty bad now.

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