Google Something Clever 2.0: The Mumble-Thousand Dollar Fathers' Day Gift

Jun 25, 2014

The Mumble-Thousand Dollar Fathers' Day Gift

A couple of weeks before Fathers' Day, I was running errands with my five-year-old when he suggested that we buy my husband a Jeep. "He used to have one, but it broke." This is true. He had a 1975 postal Jeep (that's a DJ-5 for you Jeep nerds out there). It was retrofitted with the driver's side on the left. It was his first car, and he misses it very much.

That's not what we bought him.

A few days later, I pulled up Amazon and asked the boy again for ideas. "He likes Zelda. Let's get him a Wii U, so he can play that new Zelda game." Still a little too pricey for me, at least until NickMom starts paying me $1000 per LOL.

But wait! Sure, I couldn't get him a brand-new Nintendo, but I bet I could afford a classic NES. And a few games. A quick search revealed that I could, indeed. So I ordered the system, Super Mario Brothers, The Legend of Zelda, and an extra controller for the boy. Blammo, perfect Fathers' Day gift.

When The Legend of Zelda arrived, I was very impressed that it was still in the original box, with the original manual (minus three pages, but whatever). Then I pulled out the actual cartridge and discovered that it was Zelda II. I contacted the seller, who apologized profusely and told me to just keep it and they'd refund my money. I found a new Zelda easily. Cool, free game!

Fathers' Day came and the gift was well-received. He didn't even mind that Zelda wouldn't be arriving for a couple more days. It turns out he's actually a fan of Zelda II, and his tip was actually published in a cheat guide book when he was a kid! That's right, he was published before me. I'm not bitter.

We couldn't figure out a way to hook the NES up to the living room TV right away, so we settled for the puny 13" bedroom TV. With a little bit of blowing, we got it up and running and my husband was eight years old again.

On Monday night, we were about to go to bed when my husband thought of an idea for hooking the NES up to the big TV. And when I say "big TV," I mean my pride and joy (other than my kid), our 50" Panasonic Elite plasma TV. With a 5.1 surround sound home theater system. My baby. You people know I love TV. This is how much. She's probably about eight or ten years old. My husband's been clamoring for a new one for a couple of years, claiming that she's outdated, but I'd never give her up.

I'm in the bedroom, messing around on Facebook, when he appears in the doorway looking very, very guilty. He tells me he's done something bad. I go into the living room, and I detect a faint odor of burning plastic. The power indicator on the TV is blinking, and the screen is black.

My baby is dead.

He couldn't sleep that night; he was so wracked with guilt. He researched authorized repair shops (they've all gone out of business), then he researched how to fix a TV yourself (NOPE), then he researched new TVs.

The next morning, after 3 hours of sleep, he fed our son breakfast, then loaded us all into the car for a family trip to Best Buy. We decided that the new TVs have way smaller frames, so we could totally get away with a 55". Then it turned out that they were out of the model we liked, so we "settled" for a 60". Sixty friggin' inches of Samsung LEDs. A smart TV that can be controlled by voice and recognizes your face. Your face!

Holy crap, we totally needed a new TV. This thing, this behemoth that caused my son and me to be temporarily stranded at Best Buy (because it did fit in my husband's hatchback*, just not with two other people in the car), this monster that hangs six inches off of our TV stand (well, twelve, really- six on each side), this thing is amazing.

You know when you watch an episode of your favorite show and the characters go on vacation, and they use a different camera or something, and it looks too real? Or how soap operas look like they're doing a play or something, like they're right in your living room? Everything looks like that. I'm actually finding myself grossed out for the first time by fake dead bodies on my cop shows. We can't wait for "The Walking Dead"!

Oh, and we did find a way to safely hook up the NES to the new TV. Spoiler alert: 8-bit graphics do not look any better when they're blown up to the size of a small human. Oh, well.

* Hi honey, just your friendly weekly reminder that I need an SUV. Kthx bye!

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