Gwenyth recently wrote in her "goop mag" (your guess is as good as mine) about the "the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter."
Apparently, Gwenyth is a big fan of a coffee table book by Dr. Masaru Emoto, who is actually not a doctor or a scientist at all, because hello, coffee table book. Mr. Emoto claims that human emotions can change the molecular structure of water.
Yes, you read that right. It's like when you're in a shitty mood, and you stare at an empty beer can on the table, and it just crumples into a ball under the sheer weight of your fury. Only smaller.
Emoto says that he once performed an experiment to prove this hypothesis. First, he filled a vial with clean water, and wrote things like "fear" and "hate" all over it. Then, he filled another vial with puddle water, and wrote sweet nothings on that vial. As one does.
He let the water sit around for 24 hours, because water is a really slow reader, I guess, and then froze both vials. The frozen hate-water came out all lumpy and gray, obviously, while the love puddle water had turned crystal clear. So, there you go. Proof.
Now, I'm not generally inclined to believe the word of a guy who got his "doctorate" from NaturalNews.net, but he does have Gwenyth Paltrow backing him. And she is rich and famous and a great advocate for garden pizza ovens, which, really, everyone should have. So I decided to give it a try.
First, I filled one glass with water from my Brita dispenser. I changed the filter a couple of weeks ago, so I'm pretty sure that qualifies as clean. Then, I filled another glass with lake water.
I left the glasses sitting around the kitchen for a day, and whenever I passed them, I'd stop for a quick chat. I told the Brita water that it would never be as good as Fiji water. I told it that its glass seemed "a little snug" and suggested that it might be more comfortable in a pint glass. Conversely, I told the lake water that it was really funny and smart, and also a good listener. Oh, and I sang Lionel Richie songs to it.
Here they are twenty-four hours later:
As a bonus, I tried pouring the happy lake water into my toaster and playing "Higher and Higher" to see if it would dance, but it just broke the toaster. Maybe don't try that at home.
I'm not even going to bother freezing them. I think I've found my answer.
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