Google Something Clever 2.0: The Paradox That is the Human Child

Aug 14, 2014

The Paradox That is the Human Child

I want you to ask yourself a question: Roughly what percentage of the time are you content with the volume of your child's voice?

My kid is LOUD, almost all the time. I gather that's pretty common. But you know when he's super quiet? Not when I'm working. Not when I'm watching TV. Not first thing in the morning. Noooo. He is quiet when thanking a stranger for a compliment ("Tell her thank you, not the floor!"), and he's quiet when we're driving. Here's every car ride ever:

Boy: Mhmhmmmhm

Me: What?

Boy: Mhmhmmmhm

Me: [Turns radio down] What??

Boy: Mhmhmmmhm

Me: [Rolls windows up] What?!

Boy: Mhmhmmmhm

Me: Speak up!

Boy: Tell me about the day you bought this car.

Me: [Steam coming out of my ears.]

And so, after the latest episode of "OH JUST TELL ME WHEN WE GET HOME," I wrote a little ditty about The Paradox That is the Human Child for NickMom. 90% of these examples are based on things my kid really does. I'm willing to be you'll recognize your special snowflake, too.

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