Google Something Clever 2.0: April 2014

Apr 30, 2014

Why Raising Cats is Just Like Raising Kids

Are you one of those high-horse parents? The type who's always telling your childless friends that they can't possibly imagine what it's like to have kids? The type who insists that "You think you don't want any now, but just you wait and see"? The type who rolls their eyes when your friend compares raising their cat to raising a child?

Well, stop it right now. I have two ten-year-old cat-daughters and one five-year-old human-son, and I'm here to tell you that my decade of research has yielded the following results:

Raising cats and raising kids are totally the same thing.

Oh, sure, there are little differences. You can leave a cat alone all weekend, there's that. But it balances out when you take into account how much easier it is to potty train cats than is is to train children. And just look at all the similarities:



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Apr 23, 2014

Harmonographs, Used Records, and Where Are My Pants?

I realized I haven't really written too much bloggy stuff lately. I know you all looooove my NickMom stuff (right?) but it's been a bit since I wrote other things, so here are some other things.

A couple of weeks ago, my family went to the Science Discovery Museum in Acton, MA. Hey, free plug! If you're ever in the area, I highly recommend it. There are actually two small children's museums on one campus. The Science Discovery Museum is for bigger kids (and by "bigger," I mean four or five and up), and there's also a Children's Discovery Museum that's great for toddlers. We actually had the boy's second birthday party there. They're both rad, and you should totally click that link after you read all of my ramblings.

Anyway, they have a giant harmonograph there. What the hell is that, you ask? It's basically a table suspended from the ceiling by cables. It has weights on it. You load a marker into a holder, put a piece of paper on the table, swing the table around, and the marker draws a cool Spirograph-type thing. Here's the design I made:

This is the type of thing that annoying people call "trippy"

Apr 16, 2014

A Definitive Ranking of ALL THE EASTER CANDY

Reason No. 862 why I love my job: I recently toured the Target Easter department, taking pictures of all the delicious candy, for "research."

You guys. They make a Twix Egg that's as big as my hand. I need it.

Reason No. 862 why my son doesn't love my job: we went home empty-handed. Oh, come on, now, I'm not a monster. He's still getting candy on Sunday. I'll even do the whole egg hunt thing in the yard, despite the fact that we're atheists, and we don't pretend that a giant, anthropomorphic rabbit visited overnight. He'll get his candy.

Back to that research. It was for a good cause. I worked very hard, and I'm very pleased to present to you, A Definitive Ranking of ALL THE EASTER CANDY on NickMom. You'll probably need to brush your teeth after you read it. Sorry.


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Apr 14, 2014

A Children’s Guide to the Seder Plate

Happy Passover, AKA the most complicated holiday ever.

It took me quite a few years celebrating with my husband's family before I wasn't overwhelmed by Passover. What kind of hors d' oeuvres am I allowed to bring? Do I have to learn to say these prayers in Hebrew? What the heck is murrain??

These days, I don't suffer from Passover Anxiety anymore. I know just how much horseradish to put in my matzo ball soup to make it acceptable for my shiksa tongue. I know that I don't really have to drink all those cups of wine (although I might). I even know why have a plate full of bones and junk on the table!

As such, I now present to you, via NickMom, A Children’s Guide to the Seder Plate. Enjoy.



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Apr 10, 2014

Let's Talk Pizza

I have a thing with pizza. I'm completely bonkers for it.

Sometimes, I come up with an idea for a topic to write about, and I'll email myself. I've had an email sitting in my inbox for months with the subject line "Greek pizza." But I felt like it wasn't enough. Then I did something that, on the surface, sounds pretty dumb: I took a Buzzfeed quiz about pizza. I know! And right after I made fun of those quizzes!

But it ended up being really helpful, because it gave me some additional pizza-related ideas, so now I have enough for a whole blog post about pizza. Aren't you lucky! I checked off 58 out of 80 statements on the quiz, which seems low, but you need to consider that some of the questions are whack, such as "I have eaten three slices of pizza at once, stacked on top of each other" (what a waste; you should savor each one individually) or "I would murder for pizza" (um, unless I'm on a desert island, I'm fairly confident that it'll never come to that) and the worst, "I have eaten Chicago–style pizza" (NO I HAVE NOT EATEN TOMATO PIE THANK YOU).


So here are some of the ones I checked off, followed by my explanations:

Apr 4, 2014

Jenn Watches Crappy Reality TV: Chrisley Knows Best

So here's the deal: I recently suffered a couple of professional bummers back to back, and I got all pouty and couldn't bring myself to write anything for a while. I'd come up with a topic, then talk myself out of it.

Then I saw a commercial for this show called Chrisley Knows Best, and I said to myself (out loud and everything), "Who in the hell would watch that crap?!" I've never been into reality shows, other than competition shows like America's Got Talent and Face Off. I tried to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo once, because my friend insisted, and I ended up getting a pretty decent blog post out of it. So I figured this might be a good way to get back on the horse again, and maybe I'll make it a series if you guys like it.


Apr 2, 2014

Top 9 Mom Stereotypes That Are Completely True

There are certain assumptions that people have about mothers. Some people might think that we're boring. Or that we all wear yoga pants 24/7. Or that we all have a killer meatloaf recipe that we'd love to share with you.

Not true. Not for me, anyway.

But there are some mom stereotypes that I'm willing to admit are spot-on. Yes, I'm always tired. Yes, I've picked my kid's nose. Yes, I am much better at dealing with vomit now than I was in my early twenties (when, curiously, I encountered it a lot more regularly).