Google Something Clever 2.0: June 2014

Jun 30, 2014

The Summer of Too Much TV

Hey, no time to chat because I have 527 hours of programming to watch on my new humongous TV. Is it just me, or is your DVR stuffed to the gills this summer, too? I'm ranting about it over on Abandoning Pretense today. Click over there, won't you?

Once you've read me, stick around and read some of Kristen's stuff. I know you like funny, and I know you like edgy, so I know you'll love her!


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Jun 27, 2014

IKEA... Do I Really Need to Say Any More?

My husband and I recently took a trip to IKEA.

And now you're expecting me to announce our impending divorce, I'm sure.

Nope! We actually don't fight at IKEA anymore, because we've been married a Very Long Time, and we've learned the trick to making it a Happily Ever After experience: I must not insist on buying any more that 15 items that were not on the list, and he needs to remember that it could be worse; I could be one of those broads who's into designer purses or something. A $4 plastic tray with birds on it is really not that bad.

Also, we like to count the number of couples we see fighting in there, and if we fought, that would be cheating.


Jun 26, 2014

Do You REALLY Have to Cook Dinner Tonight?

You've got a big day ahead you. Running errands, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids... And just when it all seems to be winding down, you're expected to slave in front of a hot stove for an hour like it's the damn 1950's. Seriously? Do these people really need to eat every night?

Well, yeah. They kind of do. But maybe you can get away with take-out tonight. Click over to NickMom for this handy-dandy chart to see if there's any wiggle room in your Mom Chore Wheel.



Don't rely on Facebook to show you all my posts! They'll only show you everything if I pay them. Spoiler alert: that's not happening. The only way to guarantee that you never miss a thing is to subscribe. Drop your address below and you'll get an email whenever I post something new. No spam. No ads. Promise.


Jun 25, 2014

The Mumble-Thousand Dollar Fathers' Day Gift

A couple of weeks before Fathers' Day, I was running errands with my five-year-old when he suggested that we buy my husband a Jeep. "He used to have one, but it broke." This is true. He had a 1975 postal Jeep (that's a DJ-5 for you Jeep nerds out there). It was retrofitted with the driver's side on the left. It was his first car, and he misses it very much.

That's not what we bought him.

A few days later, I pulled up Amazon and asked the boy again for ideas. "He likes Zelda. Let's get him a Wii U, so he can play that new Zelda game." Still a little too pricey for me, at least until NickMom starts paying me $1000 per LOL.

But wait! Sure, I couldn't get him a brand-new Nintendo, but I bet I could afford a classic NES. And a few games. A quick search revealed that I could, indeed. So I ordered the system, Super Mario Brothers, The Legend of Zelda, and an extra controller for the boy. Blammo, perfect Fathers' Day gift.


Jun 17, 2014

I Hate Soccer and Adulting.

Whoops! I had two things up on NickMom last week, and due to a wacky mix-up the likes of which even Jack Tripper could not have forseen (mostly because the internet was invented well after "Three's Company" went off the air), I missed them!

First off, now that my son's twelve-week soccer class is finally over, I consider myself to be something of a soccer expert. Not at playing soccer; I mean. The moms were forced to participate in the last class, and other than one goal, I totally got owned by this little five-year-old David Beckham. But I'm an expert at judging all the children who were playing, which is really what being a soccer mom is all about, right?

Jun 16, 2014

I Write Things. Here's How and Why.

And she's easy on the eyes, too!
Haaaaaave you met Alyson? (That's a "How I Met Your Mother" joke. If you don't get it, you must be living under a rock.) Alyson is the mind behind The Shitastrophy, a humor blog about motherhood and making fun of neighbors (I don't know if this was intentional, Alyson, but you totally make fun of your neighbors a lot, and I love it). She also makes fun of people she doesn't live near. You may be familiar with her lists of the Top Stupid Boys' Names of 2013, and its companion, Top Stupid Girl's Names of 2013. It's not just the dumbass names themselves; it's the way she lambastes them. Go ahead and click over there. This tab will wait patiently.


Jun 10, 2014

Can Water Actually Be Affected By Consciousness?

Just when I thought I had nothing to write about this week (other than the amazing time I had at Blog U, which is surely being written about by 100 other people right this very minute), I heard that Gwenyth Paltrow was back in the news. Oh, boy.

Gwenyth recently wrote in her "goop mag" (your guess is as good as mine) about the "the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter."

Huh?

Apparently, Gwenyth is a big fan of a coffee table book by Dr. Masaru Emoto, who is actually not a doctor or a scientist at all, because hello, coffee table book. Mr. Emoto claims that human emotions can change the molecular structure of water.