Google Something Clever 2.0: July 2014

Jul 30, 2014

How Clean Does Your House Need to Be?

Just a quick NickMom link for you today. Are you expecting company? Yeah, that's pretty much the only time I clean, too. But before you knock yourself out Swiffering the ceiling fan, consult this chart to see how much effort you really need to put into it:


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Jul 24, 2014

Kids These Days

I'm jealous of my kid. Is that weird? He has an awesome life. He has pretty much everything he could ever want (except a Wii U), and his parents are rather rad, if I do say so myself. I often find myself lecturing him, "When I was your age, I didn't have..." -- fill in the blank. I wrote about all the things I'm jealous about over on NickMom: Top 9 Perks of Being a Kid.


I mean, kids just have it so easy nowadays, with the internet and mobile phones and all that. I recently tried to explain to my son what life was like before Google. How, if you wondered about something, you asked your parents, and if they didn't know, you had to go down to the library (during business hours), look in the card catalog, and hope that the book it directed you to wasn't checked out. I think I lost him at "library."

So I got to thinking about all the words and phrases that are now obsolete, thanks to modern technology. Like "roll up the window." My kid's never seen a manual-crank window in a car, and he probably never will. I rounded up a few more for you, also on NickMom: Phrases Kids These Days Don't Understand


Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to regale my son with the tale of how I had to walk uphill in the snow to school every day.

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Jul 21, 2014

Respect For Moms

Have you seen that Derek Jeter video yet? It's been trending on Facebook, but I avoided it like the plague for days because I'm from Boston and therefore know the truth, that #JeterSucks and #YankeesSuck. But then I had to watch it because I was invited to *~star~* okay, participate, in a parody of it for NickMom.

After I "wrote" my "scene," which takes place in my bathroom, it occurred to me that I was agreeing to show the whole world where I pee, so I spent the rest of my day cleaning better than I've ever cleaned anything. I mean, I was detailing the hinges on the toilet seat with Q-Tips. Q-Tips, I tell you. And then my husband and son needed to use the facilities before I could shoot the video. I almost asked them to just pee in the tub. I'm so Hollywood. Am I using that term correctly?

Anyway, please go check it out. I think it's pretty funny, and my husband/cameraman did a lovely job. Especially since nobody paid him. (He also did a lovely job of aiming his pee. High five!)

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Jul 15, 2014

Hey, Who Wants to Watch Me Get a Mammogram?!

Okay, fine, you won't get to see the actual mammogram part. That was false advertising. I'm sorry.

I just turned 35 last week, and my paternal grandmother died of breast cancer, so that means I get to have my boobs professionally squeezed five years earlier than everyone else! Hooray!

Jul 11, 2014

Allow a 2-Year-Old to Explain Your TV Remote

It's my birthday! Are you excited? I'm going to be doing some really fun stuff*, such as:
  • Staying home with my kid all day
  • Doing dishes
  • Folding laundry
  • Showering in under five minutes
  • Wishing I was 25 instead of 35

But you can make my day a little better by reading and sharing my latest NickMom post, "Allow a 2-Year-Old to Explain Your TV Remote."


Share it. Share it. Tell your Facebook friends how great it is. Because you love me.

*Don't worry; my husband is taking me out tonight for tapas and a movie. He's a swell guy.

Thanks, love you, byeeeeee!

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Jul 10, 2014

So Now I'm Raising Crickets.

Remember Reboot? You may recall him from this post about the untimely demise of my son's first tadpole, Croakley (what a prophetic name, am I right?). This is what he looked like back then:


Jul 5, 2014

What Your Picnic Contribution Says About You

Just a quick NickMom post today. If you're going to a picnic, party, or cookout this weekend, you should probably consult this chart before you agree to bring anything, lest you be forever known as "that guy." We all know "that guy." "That guy" doesn't get invited back.



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Jul 3, 2014

It Happened to Me: I Wrote for xoJane Again

Remember back in March, when I wrote a very open and honest piece for xoJane, and the commenters made me cry? That was fun, wasn't it?

I was bound and determined to write for them again, because I'm crazy, I guess. I just couldn't have that be my only experience writing for Jane Pratt. That one awful, awful experience.

So I wrote another open, honest piece, this time about how my son has tics and how, for a while there, we were concerned that he may have Tourette Syndrome. Surely nobody would be mean to a worried mother, right?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah, no.

But you people are very nice, and I love you bunches, and I'm sure you'll read it and not tell me I'm a dickhead because I panicked at a doctor's appointment. You know, how normal people do.

Anyway, here it is: JOKING ABOUT TOURETTE'S IS JUST AS BAD AS USING THE "R" WORD

Please be gentle.

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